


i was in a coma u cant be mean to me

by notevenbothered



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Allergies, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hospitals, Illness, M/M, Sick Fic, and then can only communicate by texting bc of his throat, basically jun has an allergic reaction, chat fic, lots of junhao too bc i love china line, nng some angst but its not a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notevenbothered/pseuds/notevenbothered
Summary: june: jdhksfjahljune: my fingres arentt numb anymore I can text!!mingew: !!! JUNNIEmingew: MY SON MY SWEET BABY BOYjune: DADDY??booyonce: three days into waking up from his coma and wen Junhui is once again cancelledSeventeen chat fic except Jun had an allergic reaction and can only communicate on the gc





	1. my fingers arent numb anymore

**june** : jdhksfjahl  
**june** : my fingres arentt numb anymore I can text!!

 **mingew** : !!! JUNNIE  
**mingew** : MY SON MY SWEET BABY BOY

 **june** : DADDY??

 **booyonce** : three days into waking up from his coma and wen Junhui is once again cancelled

 **june** : owo...

 **hannie** : junnie!! how’s your throat??

 **june** : still hella closed uP!! but it doesn’t hurt as much!!

 **handsoap** : heck yeahhh

 **wonwu** : how are you feeling jun its been so weird without you being able to talk

 **woozi** : its been quiet

 **june** : im gr9 except for being still kinda partially paralysed but u know its ok we’re getting there!!  
**june** : love for my throat to maybe open up so I can say words but other than that!  
**june** : this is great it was so annoying communicating through pointing  
**june** : wait!!!!!  
**june** : HAOHAO I DIDN T TELL U I LOVED U  
**june** : I LOVE YOU!!!!

 **hannie** : :’)

 **june** : ffffggghfhf im such a fake boyfriend that should’ve been my firs message

 **xuming** : its ok

 **june** : tell me u love me back

 **xuming** : hm

 **june** : I was in a coma u cant b mean to me  
**june** : nvm he said it irl u guys he loves me

 **josh** : 😭😭

 **hosh** : junnie my sweet summer child I missed ur voice  
**hosh** : well ur words u know what I mean

 **hannie** : junnie im on the bus on my way to see you at the hospital do you want anything??

 **june** : functioning limbs!

 **hannie** : I’ve got ten dollars on me??

 **june** : chocolate milk!

 **hannie** : on it

 **seokmint** : not goats milk tho

 **chan** : one, where do you even find chocolate goats milk, two why would jeonghan get him some when eating goats milk ice cream sent him into a coma

 **june** : dat allergic reaction tho

 **seokmint** : I was just joking 😖  
**seokmint** : junnie ily if anyone comes within 20 metres of u with goats milk I’ll drop kick them

 **june** : thank u bby

 **mingew** : I’ll get em first!!

 **seungcoups** : u guys Minghao is such a secret softie I got to the hospital and peeked into the window into jun’s hospital room and hes just sitting on his bed stroking his hair while jun’s texting

 **june** : hyung you’re here??  
**june** : hi!!

 **seungcoups** : hi!!!

 **xuming** : stop waving through the window and come in :/  
**xuming** : also don’t spy on me

 **seungcoups** : it was cute tho..

 **june** : haohao start stroking my hair again why’d u stop

 **hosh** : did he??

 **seungcoups** : yeah!

 **june** : heck yeah!

 **hosh** : cute I wanna see :((

 **june** : guys do u wanna know something really dumb  
**june** : whenever hao kisses me I get worried he’s gonna catch something but then I remember I just had an allergic reaction so its fine alfka

 **booyonce** : adjakhf lmao

 **josh** : junnie omg

 **june** : when I was in bed w a cold last winter I was like DON’T KISS ME U’LL GET SICK bbbut he can’t catch an allergic reaction

 **xuming** : i-

 **june** : also is everyone else coming?? whats the use of having twelve friends if only two are visiting me

 **hannie** : im omw im getting the milk!  
**hannie** : chocolate not goat’s!

 **june** : tysm for actively trying to not kill me ❤️❤️

 **hannie** : you’re welcome ❤️

 **wonwu** : I’m all in favour of jun not being murdered by milk

 **josh** : god what a way to die too

 **hosh** : ikr id wanna die fighting coolly not by drinking milk

 **mingew** : technically jun ate milk it was ice cream

 **xuming** : guys lets play a fun game called stop talking about my boyfriend dying

 **chan** : 😬😬

 **seokmint** : ☕️...

 **mingew** : sorry :((

 **june** : ya’ll im scrolling back thru the chat its been dead u losers

 **woozi** : y’all*  
**woozi** : also u were sorta d*ing it kind of put a stop to soonyoung’s memes

 **june** : ur not allowed to correct ym grammar I almost died  
**june** : also no one pressed F?  
**june** : not even you hansol u fake gamer

 **hannie** : F??

 **josh** : F for respect

 **handsoap** : ur the fake gamer u only press F when someone died u were just asleep

 **xuming** : did u guys  
**xuming** : not hear me

 **hannie** : IM HERE JUNNIE WHERE’s MY SON

 **june** : IM HERE

 **hannie** : I cant hear u!!

 **june** : I cant talk!!

 **seungcoups** : I can see u look behind u im waving!  
**seungcoups** : im poking my head out the door

 **june** : thank u for the milk hyung!  
**june** : my back feels a bit stiff but I think it’s the pillows  
**june** : no I prefer the windows shut

 **josh** : I was rly confused but then I realised jeonghans probs talking out loud but junnie can only respond via chat lol

 **june** : kids these days and their phones  
**june** : WWWWWWONWOO

 **seungcoups** : narration: Wonwoo walked in and jun’s face lit up and then he immediately bent down to text that

 **mingew** : same me when I see wonwoo

 **june** : I didn’t know u were on ur way!!

 **wonwu** : I didn’t feel the need to text it haha

 **june** : he got me flowrsss what a babe #boyfriendgoals #apartfrommyhaohao  
**june** : omg u got a hair cut

 **wonwu** : its why I was a bit late sorry

 **xuming** : guys he’s replying out loud and on text lol

 **wonwu** : it disrupts the flow of the gc if I don’t reply on here as well

 **june** : Wonwoo ily ur my fav 🤧  
**june** : apart from

 **woozi** : your haohao?

 **june** : MY HAOHAO  
**june** : also shout out to jeonghannie he got me that expensive choc milk aw ye 💲💲💲

 **hannie** : 😉 😉

 **june** : it still hella hurts to swallow but WORTH IT  
**june** : stop it with that frowny face bby don’t make me kiss u  
**june** : I kissed him

 **mingew** : Minghao??

 **june** : no the fuqking junior doctor that checks my vitals every so often  
**june** : jeonghan n seungcheol stop holding hands there’s only room for one power couple in here ur taking attention away from me

 **hosh** : junnie you’ve literally been the centre of attention for two weeks

 **june** : ik I LOVE IT  
**june** : was it worth the near death experience? maybe..

 **booyonce** : literally dying for attention, icon

 **june** : update haohao gave me a look and im redacting my statement choose lyf over attention guys

 **handsoap** : kwannie and I are here what floor r u on

 **june** : third floor!!

 **handsoap** : also can I get some of that milk im craving it now

 **june** : ya sure my throat was hurting a bit anyway  
**june** : actually can someone get a nurse

 **seungcoups** : o shit yeah

 **june** : lolol sorry

 **hannie** : don’t make me smack u wen Junhui

 **josh** : “you cant be mean to me I almost died”

 **june** : I was in a coma u cant be mean to me

 **josh** : darn I was close

 **handsoap** : I feel bad drinking ur milk now  
**handsoap** : also is it ok for us to share drinks??

 **wonwu** : we literally just covered this u cant catch allergic reactions

 **handsoap** : lit

 **hannie** : shamelessly drinking the expensive milk I bought especially for my sick son

 **handsoap** : glug glug

 **chan** : lol

 **june** : AITE WE’RE GOOD  
**june** : shout out to Kelly best nurse on the ward  
**june** : I want my milk back now  
**june** : so xu Minghao knocked it out of my hand screeching that my immune system is compromised so if I catch anything of hansol’s I’ll get super sick

 **handsoap** : can I finish it then

 **june** : too l8

 **xuming** : Im gonna get so mad if u get sick  
**xuming** : hansol u better not have any fucking germs I’ll throw u through a wall

 **handsoap** : 👌

 **june** : USFHAKWLDJLAJL  
**june** : JJAAAW WAI JSADJLA WAIT

 **mingew** : ???????????

 **woozi** : wait whats happening

 **june** : AHHH

 **seokmint** : jun hyung??

 **josh** : whats happening over there??!!??

 **seungcoups** : idk he just looks super alarmed hes like grabbing minghao’s arm

 **june** : GUS  
**june** : GUYS  
**june** : I JUST CAUGHT MY REFLECTION IN THE MILK CARTON

 **chan** : ??

 **june** : MY ROOTS ARE A MESS  
**june** : HOW CAN U STAND T O LOOK ATME  
**june** : I take it all back the coma wasn’t worth it if IM UGLY

 **xuming** : 😐

 **hosh** : jun im heading to the hospital and smacking u I got a near heart attack there

 **june** : haohao im so sorryyyy I look like thss

 **booyonce** : “junnie im actually gonna hit u”

 **josh** : u cant be mean to me I almost died

 **seokmint** : u cant be mean to me I almost died

 **june** : u cant be mean to me I almost died  
**june** : lol u guys  
**june:** and ow haohao ☹

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading this if u did,,, i wrote it at 1:30am


	2. its 2am

**june** : guys im bored

 **woozi** : its 2am

 **june** : your awake too

 **woozi** : you’re**

 **june** : ur not allowed to correct my grammar I almost died

 **chan** : jun – kills someone  
police – arrive, try to arrest him  
jun – u cant arrest me I almost died

 **june** : son go to sleep

 **chan** : u go to sleep aren’t you sick

 **hannie** : go to sleep everyone especially you junnie

 **june** : I thought chan was the baby he should especially be asleep

 **hannie** : ur baby status is raised to #1 until ur better  
**hannie** : good point tho, channie go to sleep

 **woozi** : jun if your bored wake up minghao

 **june** : how do I put this  
**june** : minghao is my BABy and I would die before waking him up  
**june** : or, I would drink goats milk before waking him up  
**june** : hahha

 **hosh** : aren’t the goats milk jokes getting old now

 **woozi** : why are you awake??

 **hosh** : peeing

 **june** : you know guys  
**june** : that ice cream actually tasted really good before I passed tf out

 **hannie** : .......??

 **chan** : wow

 **june** : just bc it turns out im deathly allergic doesn’t mean it didn’t taste good

 **mingew** : if u think about it, for jun to almost die eating it and still say it tastes good means it must have been real good

 **wonwu** : ya idk if I feel up to snacking on sth that almost killed my best friend u know

 **june** : ur missing out  
**june** : also awwww :))) <333

 **woozi** : missing out?????

 **june** : well its unlikely we’re BOTH allergic

 **hannie** : mingyu and wonwoo go to sleep too!!  
**hannie** : junnie stop advocating food that’s bad for u

 **chan** : honestly goats activate my fight or flight response now  
**chan** : I saw one on a nature documentary earlier and I was like U HURT MY HYUNG!!

 **mingew** : omg same  
**mingew** : I was buying cheese and saw goats cheese and was like >:(!!

 **june** : :’) ya’ll

 **woozi** : y’all*

 **june** : yal’l  
**june** : omg haohao made the cutest noise jklafadjl baby  
**june** : I love him so much hes literally my baby omg look at those cheeks ugh

 **woozi** : hes a grown man

 **june** : ur just jelly that u have no boyf while I have the cutest one in the world  
**june** : everyone – gets ordinary bfs  
me – gets the cutest prettiest handsomest bf in the world  
**june** : he made the noise again im choking

 **mingew** : lol  
**mingew** : wait choking as in

 **june** : I was just being dramatic im not literally choking again

 **mingew** : aite cool

 **june** : somebody entertain me I cant sleeppp my legs feel weird

 **wonwu** : junnie :(

 **june** : stop sending me sad faces im fine kids

 **hosh** : im srsly gonna go fight every goat in the world who’s joining me

 **mingew** : shit im in

 **chan** : hell yeah

 **hannie** : not at 2am tho pls kids

 **hosh** : we’ll regroup in the morning

 **june** : goats r still cute tho,,, they didn’t know their milk would be used for evil,,,

 **chan** : ok if I see a goat I’ll give it some side eyes u know like “Im watching u 😤😤” but I wont try and fight one

 

 

**Private message – Jun and Wonwoo**

**june** : wwwwwonwoo

 **wonwu** : yeah???

 **june** : ngggg

 **wonwu** : whats wrong

 **june** : do u think im gonna get better

 **wonwu** : !!!! yes!!!! obviously  
**wonwu** : you’re already so much better than you were, you can sit up and you can text!!  
**wonwu** : don’t worry about it junnie

 **june** : its jusy my throat feels exactly the same and my legs are like jelly and I just feel like  
**june** : like an egg  
**june** : im trying to be profound but that’s the best I can do rn

 **wonwu** : no I kind of get it  
**wonwu** : junnie :( ur doing amazing

 **june** : and I also feel really bad for my haohao  
**june** : he just seems really stressed and hes not saying anything abt it but I feel like?? idk bad like guilty

 **wonwu** : !! no don’t!!  
**wonwu** : jun compared to how minghao was a week ago believe me hes great  
**wonwu** : I think hes just being quiet bc of  
**wonwu** : u know

 **june** : the trauma lol

 **wonwu** : ya  
**wonwu** : I think we all are a bit

 **june** : sorry

 **wonwu** : u didn’t mean for all of this to happen haha  
**wonwu** : anyway the fact that you’ve been so perky on the gc has made everyone feel better  
**wonwu** : and me I missed u  
**wonwu** : ur annoying but its better than u not saying anything

 **june** : Wonwoo <333  
**june** : when I get my voice back I’ll be super annoying even more than before

 **wonwu** : oh yeah great

 

 

**Group chat – seungchoups & 12 others**

**mingew** : yeah like, ur ok goat but don’t try anything

 **june** : ya don’t squirt any milk directly into my mouth

 **woozi** : ok and lets stop here

 **hosh** : im choking

 **june** : no that was me

 **hannie** : stop!!!  
**hannie** : why is everyone still awake!!

 **chan** : why are you awake

 **hannie** : I cant rest knowing my children are awake at this hour

 **june** : actually im a little tired now

 **hannie** : GO TO SLEEP

 **chan** : omg hyung go to sleep

 **wonwu** : !!! go to sleep

 **june** : lolol ya’ll

 **woozi** : go to sleep junnie  
**woozi** : y’all**

 **xuming** : :/

 **june** : ahskhjfsajdla BYE

 **chan** : o shit

 

**Private chat – Jun and Minghao**

**june** : stop looking at me like thattt :((( I couldn’t sleep

 **xuming** : you need rest junnie!

 **june** : wait why are you texting too

 **xuming** : I don’t want to wake anyone else up here by talking  
**xuming** : u need to get your sleep so you can get better

 **june** : I know :c

 **xuming** : using cute emoticons wont change anything

 **june** : :’c  
**june** : “wont change anything” y r u petting my hair then now aha

 **xuming** : maybe im trying to hide ur roots

 **june** : OWCH  
**june** : I thought u were supposed to love me unconditionally  
**june** : will they let me bring a hairdresser in here this needs to be fixed asap

 **xuming** : no I don’t think they will  
**xuming** : and either way you’re still good looking you know this

 **june** : ugh my face looks all sickly and stuff tho  
**june** : o  
**june** : if saying my face looks sickly gets me a kiss ima keep saying it

 **xuming** : I need you to stop talkin shit about my boyfriend hes perfect

 **june** : HAHDJSKK  
**june** : BABYYY

 **xuming** : ok u just yawned I need you to go to sleep

 **june** : I’ll miss u

 **xuming** : it’ll be morning in no time

 **june** : I’ll dream of u

 **xuming** : sure

 **june** : I love yoouu

(“I know”)

 **june** : I love you lots and lots

(“I know”)

 **june** : my baby  
**june** : my babyyy

......

(“Are you sleeping?”)

(“I love you too”)

(“My baby”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back with more,, will i ever write some lecture notes in stead of this, who knows


	3. anti-goat squad

**xuming** : seriously jun  
**xuming** : im scrolling back up and I see you telling everyone goats milk tastes good

**june** : what it did

**xuming** : do I have to be worried about you going back for a second bite??

**june** : no!!  
**june** : well

**june** : my phone got smacked out of my hand

**hosh** : jun im at the vending machine do you want anything?

**june** : I cannot eat le food rn

**hosh** : oh ya  
**hosh** : ok cash it in for later I’ll buy you sth when you can talk again

**handsoap** : how is your throat today?

**june** : itssss  
**june** : the same lol  
**june** : o actually t hurts a little less to breathe

**seungcoups** : thas great junnie!

**june** : im making a new rule though  
**june** : its come to my attention I look like a hella mess so if u come visit me in hospital ur not allowed to look at me

**wonwu** : omg jun no

**chan** : hyung u look fine for someone who like died  
**chan** : *almost died

**june** : shit I was worried I was texting from the grave for a sec

**hannie** : jun my son ur beautiful I wont stand for this

**seokmint** : seconded I’ll fight that goat but then ur next jun

**june** : but I cant fite back

**seokmint** : 👊 👊

**june** : 😰

 

**Private chat – Seungcheol and Jeonghan**

**seungcoups** : im trying to keep it lowkey but Im so relieved junnies joking around like this

**hannie** : shit me too  
**hannie** : that first day his facial expression was so blank it nearly killed me

**seungcoups** : and before he could text messages I was so worried  
**seungcoups** : he couldn’t communicate and tell us if anything hurt  
**seungcoups** : im kind of relieved hes freaking out about his hair it means hes still the same junnie

**hannie** : do you think this is what real parents go thru  
**hannie** : if anything ever happens to chan I’ll kill everyone and then myself  
**hannie** : shit im getting stressed  
**hannie** : im gonna rearrange the chairs I don’t like them

**seungcoups** : ok babe

 

**Private chat** **\- Jun and Minghao**

**xuming** : I finished reading last night’s messages  
**xuming** : if you wake up and cant sleep wake me up too

**june** : objection ur honour  
**june** : ur my baby and I would never

**xuming** : junnie im really sorry but while ur in hospital ur officially MY baby so wake me tf up when you want company

**june** : haohao ur so cute :((

**xuming** : im at our place now do u need to me bring anything back with u

**june** : u don’t need to hurry back I feel bad making u stay at the hospital all the time  
**june** : take a rest or something

**xuming** : objection ur honour ur my baby and im not leaving u alone for three seconds unless absolutely necessary  
**xuming** : I’ll just take a shower and then come back

**june** : ok ily  
**june** : r u showering rn  
**june** : I miss u  
**june** : haohaohaohaohao

 

**Group chat: seungcoups & 12 others**

**june** : abanonded... by the one I loved most... lost and alone in this wasteland

**woozi** : did minghao go home or smth

**wonwu** : yeah  
**wonwu** : but juns not alone most of us are over here

**josh** : the nurses get real antsy when all twelve of us come visit lol

**june** : its so hard being popular

**seokmint** : lol

**june** : guys lemme tell u it’s a trip going thru my missed messages  
**june** : I got one like “why aren’t you responding??” “o wait I justheard” “sorry” “wait u cant even read these” “ok get well soon”  
**june** : omg someone from my high school sent me a message saying “heard ur in a coma hope everythings ok”

**handsoap** : lmao omg

**june** : ya everythings dandy thx yanlei  
**june** : fffsssh im so bored when will my legs work again  
**june** : I want to,,, go places!

**hannie** : I’ll take you to lots of places when your better junnie!

**seungcoups** : me too!

**june** : whyyy cant my body function normalyyyy

**josh** : its not ur fault it’s the goats fault  
**josh** : also were yall really gonna track down every goat in the world and fight it

**mingew** : well not the world maybe just korea

**june** : guys do you think im allergic to sheeps milk  
**june** : like cow is fine goat is bad  
**june** : but sheep??

**xuming** : how abt we don’t try it either way

**june** : HAOHAO ur our of the shower I missed u

**xuming** : just in time to stop u from drinking sheeps milk apparently  
**xuming** : should I bring ur laptop btw

**june** : heck yes!!  
**june** : this is y you’re the love of my lyf

**xuming** : yah yah see you soon babe

**woozi** : im on my way to the hospital too

**june** : aw yis hospital squad is expanding  
**june** : rn all that’s happening is jeonghan is rearranging the furniture, cheol is googling dangers of sheep milk, chan is asleep and hansol is knitting??

**handsoap** : im gona make u a sweet scarf

**june** : :’)

**boo** : sit tight!! im in class rn but I’ll come see u straight after!!

**june** : u shld concentrate don’t worry abt me

**boo** : hyung I think we’re all still worried abt u

**june** : apart from only 3% of my body functioning properly im fine!  
**june** : o shit my brothers texting me brb

**mingew** : is juns family coming over?

**seokmint** : wait it must have been rly hard for them with him being sick in a different country

**mingew** : minghao was on the phone to them a lot

**hosh** : ngggg  
**hosh** : aaarrkkkmmnlll

**josh** : u ok chief

**hosh** : its just so  
**hosh** : not fair  
**hosh** : juns never hurt a hair on anyones head and yet bam he gets put in a coma  
**hosh** : hes a good boy he doesn’t  
**hosh** : DESERVE IT

**june** : wait guys do u think my dick still works

**hosh** : nvm choke

**june** : been there done that  
**june** : well technically id done it before even eating goats milk

**hannie** : what when

**june** : umm

**hannie** : no I don’t wanna know nvm

**boo** : since when is hansol so good at knitting  
**boo** : y do you never knit me anything

**handsoap** : I heard its bad luck to knit ur boyf smth I don’t wanna break up

**boo** : ok cute ok

**josh** : I think that only counts for sweaters

**handsoap** : wait for real  
**handsoap** : kwannie ur gonna get some lit socks

**boo** : ;***

**june** : wait  
**june** : my boyfriend senses are tingling

**mingew** : that’s not a real thing

**xuming** : guys im back

**mingew** : holy shit

**june** : haohao :( I want a hug nd a kiss  
**june** : no not from u jeonghan  
**june** : everyone in the room just got up and kissed me for hecks sake  
**june** : Vernon didn’t thanks man

**handsoap** : I don’t wanna lose my stitch

**woozi** : how are u texting and knitting then

**xuming** : just walked into the hospital room to see everyone kissing my boyfriend ok

**june** : im sorry u had to find out this way but im cheating on u with everyone else

**handsoap** : not me

**june** : why don’t u like me I can change hansol :(  
**june** : no don’t kiss me  
**june** : >:c I only wanted hao to kiss me and HE DIDN’T  
**june** : o hehe

**woozi** : im here and im not kissing u jun

**june** : 😘 😘 😘 jihoonie u know u want to  
**june** : aw chan just woke up

**chan** : oo I had a good nap

**hannie** : why were u so tired  
**hannie** : this is what u get for staying up all night

**chan** : I went to bed just after jun disappeared

**june** : my phone got confiscated by a certain scary boyfriend

**woozi** : this hospital room is split between people verbally communicating with jun and people who just text him  
**wonwu** : Wonwoo, cheol and Minghao are talking to him irl and vernons like only texting

**chan** : if hes replying by text it feels politer to text him by text

**mingew** : text him by text

**chan** : u know what I mean  
**chan** : nice scarf Vernon

**handsoap** : thanks man

**boo** : you two can just talk ur sitting next to each other  
**boo** : Vernon u literally had to put ur knitting down to reply

**handsoap** : im supporting jun! if he cant talk neither will i

**june** : m-m-my favourite dongsaeng  
**june** : all this time it was chan but rly its u hansol

**chan** : I need to up my game damn  
**chan** : vernons out here knitting him scarves and refusing to talk out loud

**boo** : shit I need to do something too

**xuming** : ok I don’t want to like be annoying like u guys  
**xuming** : but

**june** : ur my actual fav dongsaeng dw

**xuming** : good.

**josh** : am I the only one that’s not over there??

**june** : mingyu and seungkwan aren’t here either  
**june** : dw joshie! u don’t have to hurry over have a good time at work

**josh** : 2 late my manager ate it up that my friend woke up from a coma im omw

**boo** : I just finished class

**hannie** : can u pick up some flowers I think they’ll brighten up the left corner of the room

**wonwu** : jeonghan is stress rearranging furniture

**josh** : oh yeah  
**josh** : I was wondering why the layout of juns room changed every time I went to visit u

**josh** : why did everyone stop messaging

**wonwu** : my heart nearly shot out of my chest omg

**hannie** : wwealkdmxL

**handsoap** : I dropped my needles

**mingew** : whats happening

**june** : ur boy coughed but it hurt and then everyone flipped out  
**june** : anyway my girl Kelly came and its all good  
**june** : haohao im fine u don’t need to grip my shoulder like that

**boo** : junnie im coming sit tight do u need like cough sweets??

**june** : id probs die if I tried to swallow one mabes not

**hosh** : im so done with this  
**hosh** : anti-goat squad we’re really gonna go do this they cant be allowed to live as though they haven’t committed crimes

**hosh** changed group chat name to **anti-goat squad**

**chan** : lets go

**june** : guys its ok it wont change anything

**hosh** : but I need to d o s o m e t h i n g

**june** : I’ll take a crisp high five as a sign of ur support

**hosh** : ok

**boo** : IM HERE  
**boo** : jeonghan I got ur flowers

**hannie** : thanks!

**june** : aren’t they my flowers?

**hannie** : sure

**wonwu** : seungkwan walked straight in and handed them to jeonghan lol

**mingew** : WAIT AM I THE ONLY ONE NOT THERE NOW

**josh** : im still en route

**june** : mingyu is the fakest friend who knew  
**june** : guess I’ll cry myself to sleep tonight

**xuming** : I wasn’t there earlier too

**june** : ur always in my heart tho,,

**xuming** : ..

**mingew** : y aren’t I in ur heart

**june** : quick q r u my beloved boyf

**mingew** : um yes

**june** : shhh gyu its supposed to a secret  
**june** : now they know about our affair

**mingew** : shit

**wonwu** : :/

**xuming** : :/

**june** : what can I say I have a thing for guys whos names start with ming

**hannie** : saucy  
**hannie** : ok I think the room looks ok  
**hannie** : at least until jun sneezes again

**june** : 😬

**josh** : wuh oh

**hannie** : u better not

**june** : it didn’t come

**woozi** : the whole room just visibly relaxed lol

 

**Private chat – Jun and Jeonghan**

**june** : hyunggg

**hannie** : my sweet summer son whats wrong

**june** : I thought I liked all the attention but now I just feel kind of lame

**hannie** : my son  
**hannie** : my infant  
**hannie** : my baby  
**hannie** : my child who I raised from birth  
**hannie** : ur just gonna have to get used to us all doting on u  
**hannie** : just try not to cough again u almost gave minghao a panic attack

**june** : my poor baby I feel really bad  
**june** : he seems kind of subdued  
**june** : and hes way clingier than usual

**hannie** : mm maybe to be expected

**june** : was he  
**june** : ok last week?

**hannie** : uh do u want the truth or like

**june** : idk

**hannie** : he basically cried for the first two days then sat silently next to u until u woke up  
**hannie** : he only let mingyu near him

**june** : o ☹

**hannie** : don’t feel bad hes much better now  
**hannie** : he smiled just now remember

**june** : nggg

**hannie** : ??

**june** : my  
**june** : POOR BABy  
**june** : I need to stop texting and give him smooches brb

 

 

**Group chat – Seungcoups and 12 others**

**chan** : hmmm

**josh** : what

**chan** : jun and jeonghan r texting but their texts aren’t coming up on the gc  
**chan** : did someone slide into someones dms I wonder

**hannie** : we were just discussing our secret affair  
**hannie** : sorry minghao & mingyu

**seokmint** : jun choose one boyfriend challenge failed  
**seokmint** : actually hes kissing hao a bunch rn I guess he knows who his boyf is

**june** : um ofc I do  
**june** : haohao is  
**june** : *deep breath*

**josh** : my baby

**seokmint** : my baby

**wonwu** : my baby

**boo** : my baby

**handsoap** : my baby

**hannie** : my baby

**xuming** : his baby?

**june** : MY BABY  
**june** : yes exactly its nice to be surrounded by intellectuals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol im having such a good time writing this i havent done any uni work in two days im gonna have to grind tomorrow  
> ...or i'll write more of this who knows


	4. a spooky ghost

**Group chat: china line**

**xuxi** : wait is it true  
**xuxi** : I heard wen Junhui died??

**yanan** : WAIT WHAT  
**yanan** : I THOUGHT HE WOKE UP

**june** : shit that’s rough

**xuxi** : this is so sad  
**xuxi** : wait

**tennie** : wow

**xuxi** : is it you???

**june** : nah im a spooky ghost

**yanan** : junnie are you okay :(((

**june** : im ok lol

**kun** : who told lucas jun died

**xuxi** : I heard it from renjun who heard it from mark who heard it from jaehyun who heard it from mingyu??

**june** : why does mingyu think im dead hes right next to me

**kuanlin** : holy shit I heard jun died  
**kuanlin** : no nvm

**june** : somebody needs to stop telling people im dead

**tennie** : sometimes I can still hear his voice

**xuxi** : if ur not dead then whats up

**june** : uhhh just in hospital partially paralysed

**xuxi** : wwwwait what

**kun** : ur really out of the loop huh

**xuxi** : man that sucks  
**xuxi** : bro I was playing a lot of overwatch this week I guess i didn’t hear about it

**june** : fair tbh

**yanan** : can I come see you in hospital??

**june** : of course you can!! my fav!!

**kun** : can I come too?

**june** : uh depends r u bringing ur demon cousin

**kun** : chenle?

**june** : ya

**kun** : ofc not

**june** : then come on over!

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**june** : guys I thought I had like 4 friends max it turns out I have a bunch!

**wonwu** : only 4 friends???

**seokmint** : who out of us didn’t make the cut

**chan** : wait  
**chan** : so its gotta be deffo Minghao and Wonwoo  
**chan** : so who are the other two

**june** : fight for it

**i am gyut** : im gonna ffffucking WIN

**josh** : what made u suddenly realise u had a bunch of friends

**june** : ppl keep texting me  
**june** : falling into a coma makes u a real celeb wow  
**june** : instant popularity ploy  
**june** : there are a lot of hidden benefits to deathly allergic reactions I hadn’t considered before

**seungcoups** : right but please remember there are a lot of benefits to not having deathly allergic reactions  
**seungcoups** : like um, not having a deathly allergic reaction

**hannie** : god ur so smart cheollie

**hansolo** : im noting that tf down

**xuming** : also remember when you could like, walk and talk

**june** : woah good times

**boo** : how long is the scarf hansollie

**hansolo** : pretty long!!  
**hansolo** : last summer my parents made me go to my grandparent’s house with no wifi so I ended up knitting all day with my grandma  
**hansolo** : totally useful, I was knitting in the hospital cafeteria the other day I made like three friends

**chan** : if you make one more you’ll have as many friends as jun

**seokmint** : wait who r ur new friends do we need to fight them for friendship group dominance

**june** : just some friends from uni  
**june** : when I first moved here I went to a meet up with other chinese students and we made a gc  
**june** : remember haohao I met you at the same event the next year 😘 😘

**xuming** : oh yah  
**xuming** : one of jaehyun’s friends is in it right

**june** : yeah kun  
**june** : speaking of, mingyu did you tell jung jaehyun I died

**i am gyut** : huh???  
**i am gyut** : oh shit wait

**june** : this is cool I can text people pretending to be a ghost  
**june** : o brb

 

**Private chat: Jun and Yanan**

**yanan** : hi jun!

**june** : hiii boo

**yanan** : im omw now is that okay?

**june** : yeah ofc  
**june** : its not too crowded rn either only a couple of my friends are here   
**june** : good for the nurses they get stressed when all thirteen of us are crammed into one room

**yanan** : omg I can imagine  
**yanan** : can you actually not move your arms and legs

**june** : o I should’ve specified  
**june** : so its not permanent and I can feel it when they like prick my feet and stuff but if I tried to stand up I’d probably topple over immediately  
**june** : I cant talk either bc my throat is refusing to open

**yanan** : im actually so sorry  
**yanan** : we didn’t speak for ages and then I heard you were ill and I felt so bad

**june** : its fine we’re talking now!!  
**june** : I wont be able to physically talk to you for maybe a few weeks but once I can I sure will make my vocal chords vibrate and make words

**yanan** : hahaha  
**yanan** : what actually made you ill??

**june** : so I was like at this kind of weird fair right and it was super hot so im dying and I want an ice cream but there’s only this one place selling it  
**june** : so then I order an ice cream and take like 2 licks then my entire throat closes up and I pass out  
**june** : then I wake up in hospital and I cant move so I freak tf out u know im like?? for some reason the nurse looks super pumped and im like mmm this situation isn’t ideal  
**june** : anyway later on I learn everyone was p sure I was like done for  
**june** : three days later I could like sit up tho and my fingers started working so I can text now!

**yanan** : holy shit  
**yanan** : that’s so crazy??

**june** : o yeah ive had an intense few weeks  
**june** : the guys have been trying to be chill but they’re kind of treating me like im made of glass

**yanan** : everything will be back to normal soon!!  
**yanan** : my bus just arrived what floor are you on

**june** : third floor!

**yanan** : okie dokie  
**yanan** : I bought you some flowers but I didn’t know what kind you like

**june** : oh it doesn’t matter what kind I like, jeonghan has made himself in charge of interior design here he decides

**yanan** : ok  
**yanan** : also u cant eat can u

**june** : unless u bought something that can be given to me intravenously nah

**yanan** : see you in a minute then!!

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**june** : guys yanan is here be chill

**hannie** : omg yanan I love yanan

**june** : see that isn’t chill

**xuming** : o I remember yanan  
**xuming** : tall

**june** : that’s the one!!

**xuming** : tell him hi for me im sorry im not there to see him

**june** : don’t b sorry have fun at the bank baobei

**woozi** : ur friend yanans pretty

**june** : LOL  
**june** : can I show him this

**woozi** : sure if I can feed u goats milk

**june** : r00d

 

**Private chat: Jun and Yanan**

**june** : thank you for coming!!

**yanan** : im really sorry I couldn’t stay longer

**june** : no that’s ok im sorry I couldn’t talk  
**june** : and im especially sorry about my hair

**yanan** : what was wrong with ur hair

**june** : nvm ily

**yanan** : are you still dating xu Minghao btw

**june** : ooooh yah theres no way hes getting away from me at this point  
**june** : he was at the bank he told me to tell you hi!!

**yanan** : aw tell him hi back for me

**june** : sure thing  
**june** : you can report back to everyone that im not actually dead btw

**yanan** : yeah I’ll get on that haha  
**yanan** : im really glad I saw you get well soon

**june** : me too!

**yanan** : I’ll stay in touch this time I wont wait for you to almost die again  
**yanan** : also tell your friend I liked the scarf he was knitting

**june** : it’s a plan lol and I will

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**june** : Vernon yanan liked ur scarf

**hansolo** : a man of taste

**hannie** : Seungcheol answer my texts

**josh** : ??

**hannie** : im trying to get him to tell me whether he wants broccoli or peas but hes not answering??

**hansolo** : why would he answer here then

**hannie** : idk im just trying to get the message out there, I cant stand awkwardly in the vegetable aisle forever  
**hannie** : does anyone need anything  
**hannie** : no they don’t have functioning limbs here jun

**june** : damn,,,

**hannie** : does anyone know where he IS

**xuming** : I didn’t see him since this morning

**hannie** : why isn’t he keeping his phone on  
**hannie** : especially while our friend is sick what if smth happens

**june** : im cool tho  
**june** : Kelly tells me im hella stable

**josh** : congrats

**woozi** : didn’t hella die out in like 2013

**june** : it hella didn’t

**hannie** : where is that man  
**hannie** : wait what if he had an allergic reaction and passed out I cant handle that happening twice in my family

**june** : yo that’d be wild  
**june** : and I wouldn’t be special anymore he better not

**josh** : ya I also hope Seungcheol didn’t like pass out and die for other reasons than u not being special

**seungcoups** : hi!! I’d like broccoli!!

**hannie** : where were you!!!

**seungcoups** : sorry babe I was doing a power hour at the gym

**hannie** : I already bought the stuff

**seungcoups** : oh

**hannie** : I got the broccoli I knew you’d want it  
**hannie** : what wld any of u do without me I stg

**seungcoups** : <33 <33  
**seungcoups** : lol jun dw your still special

**woozi** : you’re*

**seokmint** : how do you know he wasn’t talking about a still special thing belonging to jun

**june** : ya

**woozi** : 😑 😑

**seungcoups** : I wasn’t

 

**Private chat: Soonyoung and Seokmin**

**hosh** : hnnhhhshshsshmmnsjjkakak

**seokmint** : u ok

**hosh** : rrrrnngngngngkkkk

**seokmint** : son?

**hosh** : huurururuuuruhaaahhsjsjsj

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**seokmint** : hey is anyone with soonyoung rn

**hannie** : oh god have we lost him too  
**hannie** : is he having an allergic reaction

**xuming** : this really doesn’t need to be our go to explanation

**seokmint** : idk actually hes texting me strange things??

**hosh** : uuughghghgghghghgh

**seokmint** : yeah like that  
**seokmint** : u ok bud??

 

**Private chat: Soonyoung and Seokmin**

**hosh** : HNNNNNNNNNNNNG

**seokmint** : im actually gonna call the police  
**seokmint** : whats happening

**hosh** : I think  
**hosh** : there is a feeling inside me  
**hosh** : tryinggg to get out

**seokmint** : is it like a dance feeling?? u wanna choreograph something??

**hosh** : no it’s a _feeling_ feeling  
**hosh** : this is BAD  
**hosh** : uh oh uh oh

**seokmint** : whats causing the feeling

**hosh** : nngggg  
**hosh** : “pretty” NNNNGG

**seokmint** : ??

**hosh** : earlier on,,,,

**seokmint** : huh  
**seokmint** : aite lemme check the gc if ur gonna be a man of mystery

**seokmint** : o  
**seokmint** : jihoon called yanan pretty  
**seokmint** : ooo

**hosh** : HNGGSOAJDXAOJDLA

**seokmint** : OOOOOO

**hosh** : MMMMMMMMMM

**seokmint** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**chan** : whats happening is soonyoung ok

**seokmint** : 😏 😏 😏 ☕️ ☕️

**hosh** : 🤢 🤧 🤧

**josh** : are u ok did u eat something??

**june** : was it goat milk based???

**boo** : pls if theres tea I have TO KNOW  
**boo** : soonyoung told seokmin  
**boo** : TELL ME

 

**Group chat: booseoksoon**

**boo** : DON’T BE FAKE FRIENDS I HAVE TO KNOW

**hosh** : 🤒 🤒

**seokmint** : 🤷

**boo** : enough of ur cryptic emojis wth!!  
**boo** : fill me tf in!!

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**boo** : 😳 🤔 🤐

**xuming** : so booseoksoon are sharing secrets and gloating thru emoji that they know things we don’t

**wonwu** : so we’re back to petty drama huh

**june** : u cant keep secrets from me I almost died

**seokmint** : check ur dms

**june** : 😱 😱 🙃

**hannie** : so soonyoung seokmin seungkwan and junnie know huh...  
**hannie** : which one of them will it be easiest to get it out of

**seungcoups** : babe the broccolis over flowing

**hannie** : brb,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow a side story wild,,, tysm for the comments btw im having a fun time writing it im glad people r enjoying it 🤧


	5. hello this the police

**june** : o shit  
**june** : o shit you guys

 **wonwu** : ??

 **june** : so this kid siya invites my son Samuel to her place to hang out so im like sure  
**june** : he goes there and then like three seconds in the oven sets on fire??  
**june** : but kids cant extinguish things so I cant tell my son to put out the flames  
**june** : oh god siya’s dad IS ON FIRE

 **xuming** : hes playing the sims 4

 **woozi** : oh

 **june** : ok I brought samuel’s mom over to extinguish the flames BC THE FIRE BRIGADE ARENT COMING??  
**june** : oh god the bath is on fire

 **xuming** : im watching him play this is getting intense  
**xuming** : ok the mom is extinguishing the flames  
**xuming** : siya is still outside screaming  
**xuming** : JDJJAKAAKKA  
**xuming** : OH SHIT

 **i am gyut** : oh no whats happened

 **xuming** : THE MOM IS ON FIRE

 **june** : NOOOO

 **i am gyut** : WHAT

 **xuming** : YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND SHES PREGNANT

 **sockmin** : FUCK

 **xuming** : JUNS MAKING HER EXTINGUISH HERSELF  
**xuming** : ok shes ok

 **josh** : god

 **xuming** : shes extinguishing the rest of the fire... I think its gonna be ok

 **june** : siya’s dad died  
**june** : my son just wanted to go over and hang out damn

 **sockmin** : is the baby okay?????

 **june** : yeah minghao’s fine why do u ask

 **xuming** : :/  
**xuming** : our unborn child is ok I think but we just left siya alone in the burnt apartment her mom was out or something so jun just sent our household back home

 **i am gyut** : hope she’s ok

 **june** : o vernonnies here hi son

 **june** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**june** : TYSM I LOV IT  
**june** : HUGGIE HUGGIE MY FAV SON OMG

 **xuming** : he finished the scarf

 **june** : IF I COULD FORM WORDS ID BE SAYING THANK U!!!  
**june** : ahhhh!!

 **chan** : vernons masterplan of over throwing me as fav son is working... what do I do...

 **hosh** : you know 👤 there are ways...

 **chan** : .... go on

 **hansolo** : pls don’t murder me

 **sockmin** : 👮 hi this is the police is something the matter

 **hosh** : n-no officer!

 **hansolo** : u have to help me

 **woozi** : is this actually happening

 **hannie** : sh the kids are having fun

 **sockmin** : alright,,, see u round 👮

 **hansolo** : no wait!!

 **sockmin** : *leaves*

 **chan** : alone at last, hyung-stealer

 **hansolo** :  😰 what are you gonna do to me

 **josh** : 🍿 🍿

 **hosh** : 🧛 🧛 🧛 🧛

 **hansolo** : OH NO

 **boo** : 🎅 don’t worry

 **hansolo** : SANTA!!!!!

 **hosh** : uh oh

 **chan** : O FUCK

 **boo** : 🎅 what do u need

 **hansolo** : pls save me  
**hansolo** : I just wanted to knit my hyung a scarf

 **boo** : first let me check if ur on the naughty or nice list...  
**boo** : hmm... I see here you didn’t do the dishes and left ur boyfriend to have to do them :/

 **hansolo** : FUCK

 **xuming** : you guys  
**xuming** : somehow your weirdass roleplay lulled junnie to sleep

 **hansolo** : o hes hella napping

 **xuming** : if u wish to stay in this room I suggest you stay completely silent  
**xuming** : anyone who rouses him will meet my fist

 **hosh** : 🧛♂️ this guy’s scary, we better split

 

**Private chat: Minghao and Mingyu**

**xuming** : gyu are you busy

 **i am gyut** : no why

 **xuming** : I need someone to talk to

 **i am gyut** : yeah of course  
**i am gyut** : hows jun?

 **xuming** : hes sleeping

 **i am gyut** : and how are you

 **xuming** : im fine but like  
**xuming** : its so dumb  
**xuming** : I know hes only napping but it just reminds me of when he wasn’t waking up  
**xuming** : him lying sleeping on the hospital bed  
**xuming** : I just fucking

 **i am gyut** : its ok im sure its normal

 **xuming** : hes exhausted and still sick and needs to rest but I want him to wake the fuck up

 **i am gyut** : hes just napping he’ll be up in no time  
**i am gyut** : hes not even on the ventilator

 **xuming** : I hate this I want him to be better

 **i am gyut** : ik this has been really hard on you ☹

 **xuming** : but it hasn’t even like it must have been worse for junnie hes the one that’s ill

 **i am gyut** : but you were the one that was awake that week worrying about him  
**i am gyut** : none of us can imagine what u were going through

 **xuming** : hes just  
**xuming** : hes the only person ive ever even loved  
**xuming** : I had boyfriends but I never  
**xuming** : they weren’t like HIM  
**xuming** : he just made me so happy  
**xuming** : and still makes me so happy  
**xuming** : except now im also so sad and i  
**xuming** : ffs im crying im such a wimp hes literally getting better and im acting like this

 **i am gyut** : haohao it’ll be ok!!  
**i am gyut** : in a year’s time he’ll be fully healed and it’ll be like none of this ever happened  
**i am gyut** : are you alone there??

 **xuming** : seokmin’s here hes hugging me

 **i am gyut** : ah its useful to have a responsible policeman around

 **xuming** : fffhshshss shut up

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**june** : goodddd morning

 **wonwu** : its 3pm

 **june** : o  
**june** : can somebody get me some water  
**june** : id sit up but theres a baby on me so

 **josh** : who put a baby on u  
**josh** : nvm its Minghao isn’t it

 **wonwu** : junnie im down the corridor I’ll be there in a sec

 **june** : my one true love my saviour

 **woozi** : sometimes I wonder if the baby thing is just a nickname or if jun genuinely believes it

 **june** : um I believe it bc its tru  
**june** : o hes getting up  
**june** : hi bby  
**june** : lol he was awake he was just lying on me  
**june** : aw yis I got a kiss ive been awake for 2 minutes and im already winning

 **june** : w8

 

**Private chat: Jun and Minghao**

**june** : r u ok?? u look uncomfortable

 **xuming** : ye im fine  
**xuming** : my back just hurts a bit

 **june** : omg  
**june** : this is my fault

 **xuming** : uh how

 **june** : u keep spending all this time at the hospital u haven’t slept properly at home since I woke up :((

 **xuming** : but I don’t want to go home I want to stay with u

 **june** : nggg I want u to stay with me too  
**june** : but I feel BAD my BABY is uncomfortable bc of me :cc

 **xuming** : listen how about I stay one night at home  
**xuming** : I’ll make wonwoo stay here with u

 **june** : omg wonhui sleepover

 **xuming** : why are you suddenly excited,,,

 **june** : IM NOT  
**june** : IM DREADING EVERY SECOND W/O U  
**june** : wonwoo and I can share secrets hehehe

 

 **Private chat** : **Jun & Wonwoo**

 **june** : WONWON  
**june** : hao is going home tonight have a hospital sleepover w me!!!

 **wonwu** : oh sure  
**wonwu** : is everything ok

 **june** : ya I just want him to sleep in a proper bed tonight not on the lame hospital camp bed  
**june** : omg we can tell secrets

 **wonwu** : I don’t have any secrets

 **june** : hmm I bet u do  
**june** : I wanna know all of mingyu’s kinks

 **wonwu** : g2g I need to give my pet fish a bath!!

 **june** : I WILL KNOW EVERYTHING YOU KNOW

 

**Private chat: Jeonghan & Soonyoung**

**hannie** : so,,,,,, soonyoungie,,,,

 **hosh** : y-yes

 **hannie** : do u not want to share ur problems w ur beloved hyung :(

 **hosh** : I know ur ways jeonghan don’t try and guilt me!!

 **hannie** : :’(  
**hannie** : I guess you love jun more than me

 **hosh** : I cant keep secrets from him he was in a coma!

 **hannie** : gdi

 

**Private chat: Wonwoo & Mingyu**

**wonwu** : hey im not coming home tonight

 **i am gyut** : are you breaking up with me??

 **wonwu** : why would I break up with u

 **i am gyut** : idk  
**i am gyut** : where are you gonna be??

 **wonwu** : im staying overnight w junnie

 **i am gyut** : oh a sleepover cute  
**i am gyut** : do you want me to bring you anything, im home and was about to go to the hospital

 **wonwu** : yes pls!! <33 just like a change of clothes  
**wonwu** : oh and heads up jun wants to tell secrets and im a pushover late at night so sorry in advance

 **i am gyut** : wait no

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**june** : byeeee guyssss thanks for coming  
**june** : kellys gonna come kick u out of you don’t leave soon

 **hansolo** : bye hyung

 **june** : bye fav

 **chan** : >:c

 **june** : bye other fav

 **chan** : c:

 **hosh** : goodbye!!

 **june** : you’re not even here

 **hosh** : maybe I was about to exit the world and enter the void and I was just bidding you all farewell first

 **sockmin** : are you??

 **hosh** : yeet

 **june** : haohaoooo I’ll miss u  
**june** : stop pouting at meeee  
**june** : text me when u get home

 **i am gyut** : ok

 **june** : not u

 **i am gyut** : :c

 **june** : ok you can too if you want

 **wonwu** : i cant wait to see what goes down here after dark,,,

 **june** : literally nothing!! get pumped

 **wonwu** : lmao

 

 

**Private chat: Jun & Minghao**

**xuming** : are you awake

 **june** : yuppers  
**june** : don’t worry about it tho babe im just playing sudoku  
**june** : wonwoo fell asleep the fake friend I didn’t even get anything out of him

 **xuming** : ok

 **june** : are u ok?

 **xuming** : yes  
**xuming** : I miss you

 **june** : babyyy :( I miss you too  
**june** : but its good for u to sleep at home its so cramped in here I don’t want you to hurt your back

 **xuming** : the bed feels empty though

 **june** : I’ll come home soon!!! then I’ll hold you forever okay!!  
**june** : I love u so much baby xxxx <33333

 **xuming** : I love u too  
**xuming** : get better soon or I’ll kill u

 **june** : noted  
**june** : you do know my greatest weakness after all

 **xuming** : goats milk

 **june** : no its ur smile 😊😳😳🤗

 **xuming** :

 **june** : babe?

 **xuming** : I love u so much  
**xuming** : im never going to love anyone like I love you

 **june** : b a b y  
**june** : I stg im gonna force my legs to work and I’ll come over there and kiss u :((

 **xuming** : being here alone reminds me of when I slept here while you weren’t waking up  
**xuming** : I juts hate everything so much

 **june** : my haohao 😣😣  
**june** : are u crying wait

 **xuming** : no

 **june** : yes you are

 **xuming** : how’d you fucking know

 **june** : my boyfriend senses were tingling

 **xuming** : I hate ur boyfriend senses

 **june** : I cant help them

 **xuming** : im going to make them husband senses I stg some day

 **june** : u fucking better  
**june** : ❤️ ily ily ily  
**june** : im sorry for eating the ice cream and getting sick I’ll never eat ice cream again for u just in case

 **xuming** : I just wanna hear ur stupid voice again  
**xuming** : do you remember those fucking dubs of spongebob you made and put on weibo  
**xuming** : I hated those so much

 **june** : oh yeah

 **xuming** : I fucking listened to it on loop earlier I hate myself

 **june** : <333333  
**june** : what about the one with the dogs

 **xuming** : that too ugh  
**xuming** : couldn’t u have like recorded yourself doing something cute

 **june** : tell me what u want next time and I’ll do it 😘 😘

 **xuming** : it doesn’t even matter junnie I just want you back

 **june** : but im still here

 **xuming** : yeah ik  
**xuming** : sorry

 **june** : :(  
**june** : are you coming to see me tomorrow

 **xuming** : I’ll be there the second they let visitors in

 **june** : good because somebody’s gonna get a big kiss and spoiler alert its YOU

 **june** : you don’t have to reply for me to know you’re smiling at your phone  
**june** : BOYFRIEND SENSES

 **xuming** : good night  
**xuming** : :)

 **june** : 💕 💕 💕 💕 ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 💖 💖 💖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol more of this  
> thank u for all the comments ;w; the sims 4 thing is an actual thing that happened to me,,


	6. yeeting commencing

**MY HAOHAO** : morning whos awake  
**MY HAOHAO** : why is my user this

 **june** : uh spoiler alert  
**june** : u r my haohao

 **MY HAOHAO** : :/

 **june** : :)

 **MY HAOHAO** has changed **june’s** nickname to **MY JUNNIE**

 **MY JUNNIE** : KH;AFHLAKHFL;AWFLAK STOP THAT’S CUTE  
**MY JUNNIE** : AAAAACKCKCKCKCKCKCKK  
**MY JUNNIE** : ffssstttttsss I woke Wonwoo up LMAO

 **wonwon** : jun pls

 **i am gyut** : GOOD MORNING I MISSED U

 **wonwon** : oh hi babe

 **i am gyut** : I MADE U A PACKED BREAKFAST

 **wonwon** : aw thanks

 **MY JUNNIE** : gyu hes making his little :> face rn

 **i am gyut** : fuck I love that one

 **josh** : its Saturday so no one has class right  
**josh** : I don’t have work this morning either

 **MY JUNNIE** : I feel like I owe you guys bus fares or something

 **MY HAOHAO** : wonwoo did u smack him

 **wonwon** : yeah dw

 **MY JUNNIE** : the ones closest to you are the ones that hurt you the most,,,,  
**MY JUNNIE** : in this instance Wonwoo is literally the person physically closest to me  
**MY JUNNIE** : o shit my fav Kelly is here  
**MY JUNNIE** : oooooo I got a smile after she checked my vitals heck yeah

 **MY JUNNIE** : o wild

 **wonwon** : YOU GUYSHSHS

 **MY HAOHAO** : ???

 **MY JUNNIE** : ya boy fucking  
**MY JUNNIE** : wiggled his leg  
**MY JUNNIE** : Wonwoo stop crying omg  
**MY JUNNIE** : gyu pls get over here

 **i am gyut** : IM FFCRYING TOO

 **hannie** : MY SON MY SWWET BABY BBOY  
**hannie** : IM GONNAANA FUKCING SMOTHER U WHEN I SEE U

 **MY JUNNIE** : mother pls

 **chan** : holyshitholysht

 

**Private chat: Jun & Minghao**

**MY HAOHAO** : hey junnie

 **MY JUNNIE** : yes bby

 **MY HAOHAO** : someones gonna get a big kiss when I get to the hospital and spoiler alert

 **MY JUNNIE** : IS IT ME????

 **MY HAOHAO** : its you

 **MY JUNNIE** : YEET

 

**Group chat: Anti-goat squad**

**cheol** : status report everyone where are ya’ll

 **woozi** : y’all*

 **hansolo** : yal’l

 **sockmin** : ‘yall

 **chan** : y’a’l’l

 **woozi** : Seungcheol im actually omw to the nearest graveyard to bury myself  
**woozi** : but that failing im gonna drive over in a sec  
**woozi** : oh soonyoung do u want a lift your apartment is on my way

 **hosh** : aaaabbbbbwwwwww

 **woozi** : should I take that as a yes

 **hosh** : yeshhhh plsssshhhh

 **MY JUNNIE** : im at the hospital!

 **cheol** : ok I knew that

 **wonwon** : im still here too  
**wonwon** : it was kind of uneventful I thought itd be like in those horror movies  
**wonwon** : juns making a real weird face rn wth

 **MY JUNNIE** : im just honing my boyfriend senses don’t mind me  
**MY JUNNIE** : so I know when hes here

 **i am gyut** : ok i still don’t believe in boyfriend senses

 **MY HAOHAO** : no theyre pretty legit  
**MY HAOHAO** : one time he handed me a tissue before I sneezed

 **boo** : wow get u a man  
**boo** : khsah hansol just handed me a tissue  
**boo** : I didn’t need to sneeze tho

 **hansolo** : how cool would it have been if u had tho

 **chan** : im out of bed im yeeting myself over there in a sec

 **sockmin** : same yeeting is about to commence

 **MY JUNNIE** : bless u minghao

 **MY HAOHAO** : how did you fucking know

 **i am gyut** : bless me achoo

 **wonwon** : ??  
**wonwon** : oh hey gyu you’re here

 **i am gyut** : WAIT DO U HAVE BOYFRIEND SENSES TOO

 **wonwon** : no I saw u out the window soz  
**wonwon** : im waving at you look up

 **i am gyut** : HI

 **hannie** : HI

 **i am gyut** : OH HI HYUNG

 **wonwon** : mom and dad just got here too

 **MY JUNNIE** : jeonghan pls don’t actually smother me I already evaded death once

 **hannie** : I’ll decide on the way up x

 **cheol** : I wont let him smother you dw x

 **hannie** : maybe I’ll smother you instead x

 **cheol** : maybe I’ll like it x

 **MY JUNNIE** : ok I changed my mind id love to die  
**MY JUNNIE** : anyone got any goats

 **sockmin** : junnie I already told u id drop kick any goat that came anywhere near u

 **MY JUNNIE** : gdi

 **MY JUNNIE** : bbwbcsahjbau  
**MY JUNNIE** : ok it wasn’t too bad thanks for holding back jeonghan  
**MY JUNNIE** : he just kind of smushed his cheek against mine  
**MY JUNNIE** : ouch don’t pinch it

 **hannie** : brb gotta go throw hands

 **MY JUNNIE** : ??

 **hannie** : ur cheek isn’t as squishy as it used to be  
**hannie** : why are you so bony I need to go fight the hospital are they starving u??

 **MY JUNNIE** : no im ok!!!  
**MY JUNNIE** : I lost my abs tho ugh  
**MY JUNNIE** : once I gain control of my floppy body im gonna do some mad crunches   
**MY JUNNIE** : jeonghan pls stop moving the furniture theres only so many positions the chairs can be put in

 **MY JUNNIE** : B  
**MY JUNNIE** : A  
**MY JUNNIE** : B  
**MY JUNNIE** : Y

 **i am gyut** : lol minghao walked in and hopped straight onto his lap

 **cheol** : wonwoo is literally on ur lap rn  
**cheol** : also im jealous that lunch box looks good

 **i am gyut** : I woke up at 6am to make it!!

 **hannie** : legit why are you two texting each other

 **cheol** : solidarity!!

 **hannie** : jun doesn’t even care hes a lil busy rn  
**hannie** : young love,,,

 **josh** : ok but you and cheol are like a year older than them and have been dating for almost the same length of time

 **hannie** : youth,, so tender,,

 **hosh** : weeeereeeee heerreee

 **woozi** : do I actually want to go up there  
**woozi** : how bad is the PDA situation

 **cheol** : not too bad  
**cheol** : oh actually nvm

 **woozi** : ://

 **i am gyut** : lol han snapped his fingers and hao glared at him for a sec but they slowed down so its safe for u to come up

 **hosh** : okie dokie we’re coming up then  
**hosh** : I bought balloons

 **MY JUNNIE** : fuck I love balloons

 **hosh** : wow did u stop kissing hao just to text that

 **MY HAOHAO** : he has his priorities in order

 

 **Jihoon** changed **MY HAOHAO’s** nickname to **haohao**

 **Jihoon changed MY JUNNIE’S** nickname to **junnie**

 

 **junnie** : why do you hate love jihoon

 **woozi** : I cringed every time I saw it

 **hosh** : so you don’t actually hate love  
**hosh** : asking for a friend

 **junnie** : OMG I LOVE THE BALLOONS  
**junnie** : LOOK AT THE LITTLE KITTIES OWOWOWOWO  
**junnie** : jeonghan don’t arrange them let me play with them first :(  
**junnie** : hehehehehe   
**junnie** : I love HELIUM

 **woozi** : they were hella annoying to have in the car

 **chan** : didn’t hella die out in 2013

 **woozi** : choke

 **i am gyut** : no that was jun

 **junnie** : no that was me  
**junnie** : eyy  
**junnie** : fshfjah mingyu what is in that lunch box did u get a Michelin star overnight or something

 **wonwon** : its 👍 👍

 **hansolo** : I want some then

 **i am gyut** : u cant I made it with love!!! only wonwoos allowed my love!!

 **junnie** : ud let me have some if I wouldn’t little die trying rite 😉 😘

 **i am gyut** : u were in a coma I cant be mean to u 💕 💕

 **junnie** : 💕 💕

 **haohao** : you know the question had always been in my mind  
**haohao** : given the choice, would jun choose balloons or me  
**haohao** : I finally know the answer

 **junnie** : heh heh watch how they float  
**junnie** : bounce bounce

 **boo** : behold, a 22 year old man

 **junnie** : behold, a   
**junnie** : uh  
**junnie** : a little bitch!

 **chan** : got em

 **hosh** : juns wilding tonight

 **woozi** : its 10am

 **hosh** : juns wilding tomorning

 **junnie** : ok jeonghannie do your worst  
**junnie** : keep them in my line of sight tho  
**junnie** : haohao come back to my lap

 **haohao** : oh u want me again

 **junnie** : “don’t pout at me your not cute” and yet here you are once again on my lap  
**junnie** : don’t correct my grammar jihoon ik I said the wrong your

 **woozi** : I’ll let you off this time

 **sockmin** : yeeting complete  
**sockmin** : I am here

 **chan** : same  
**chan** : yeet sequence coming to an end  
**chan** : hi hyung I see u

 **sockmin** : o shit its my boy channie   
**sockmin** : wait were we on the same bus

 **chan** : omg wild  
**chan** : we could have yeeted as one

 **sockmin** : this is so sad

 

**Private chat: Seungcheol and Joshua**

**cheol** : jisoo

 **josh** : yeet means like going somewhere fast

 **cheol** : thanks

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**cheol** : yes haha now yeet up here

 **josh** : exactly good job

 **hannie** : joshuji where are you I need my secret second husband

 **cheol** : hes my secret second husband tho

 **josh** : ladies ladies pls

 **junnie** : 95 line shenanigans are wild  
**junnie** : 96 line should we do something??

 **hosh** : whwhwhat  
**hosh** : why would i  
**hosh** : want to date someone born in 1996

 **wonwon** : ok damn

 **junnie** : wonwoo I’ll assume ur in  
**junnie** : soonyoungs out I guess  
**junnie** : jihoon u want in on this??

 **woozi** : you’re asking me if I want to enter a polyamorous relationship with you and wonwoo??

 **junnie** : yeah

 **wonwon** : ye

 **junnie** : im keeping haohao as well tho

 **haohao** : im nobody’s side chick :/

 **junnie** : theyre the side chicks

 **haohao** : hm fine

 **sockmin** : now im getting excited 97 line lets go!!

 **i am gyut** : I know u always secretly wanted to date me minghao

 **haohao** : might make a change to cheat on jun for once instead of the other way round

 **hansolo** : 98 line beat u guys to it like ages ago :/ catch up

 **chan** : n-ninety nine line lets go :(

 **junnie** : FHFFHHSHSSH SOMEBODY FIND A CHAN A FRIEND

 **i am gyut** : soonyoung’s left over u can have him!!

 **hosh** : SHKASHJK I’LL BE A GREAT BOYFRIEND CHANNIE  
**hosh** : I’LL BUY U ICE CREAM

 **chan** : no ice cream gives me ptsd now

 **junnie** : sorry lads  
**junnie** : don’t hit me haohao :c

 **wonwon** : juns always like owch don’t hit me but hao hits him at the speed of a lazy bumblebee I stg

 **chan** : ok I thought jun was overreacting about the balloons but those are pretty sweet

 **hosh** : I have so many good qualities chan im a perfect boyfriend

 **cheol** : verkwan and josh where u at

 **boo** : we stopped at costa  
**boo** : inflation is real you guys the syrup is 50p instead of 45p

 **chan** : this is an outrage im finding mr costa rn

 **hansolo** : direct action

 **josh** : im at a store  
**josh** : I want to get something but he cant eat and I feel like theres a surplus of flowers now

 **hannie** : yeah I have way too many

 **junnie** : yeah guys stop giving jeonghan so many flowers

 **wonwon** : the nurse just walked in, saw how many of us there are in here again and I saw the light die from her eyes  
**wonwon** : SKJALKKALJLCN

 **sockmin** : LO L

 **chan** : IM DYING

 **hansolo** : wait guys whats good

 **i am gyut** : she like  
**i am gyut** : low key suggested hao should get off jun and they both gave her this identical stare of like :/?? and she backed the fuck off   
**i am gyut** : “did the chairs move again?” LMAO

 **hannie** : they look nicer like this she should be grateful

 **junnie** : sure but ima sneeze and they’ll be in a new place tomorrow

 **boo** : *turns up late with a starbucks* whats up

 **hansolo** : babe we got costa remember

 **boo** : I think its over between us

 **hansolo** : damn

 **chan** : if 98 line is over join me and soonyoung we can be 96-98-99 reject line

 **hosh** : gotta love being a reject

 **junnie** : guys ive been thinking about it and im soz but I have too many boyfriends so im gonna have to let everyone other than haohao go

 **wonwon** : well damn

 **i am gyut** : yeah I think I’ll go back to wonwoo it was fun tho seokmin and minghao

 **josh** : r u two leaving me too

 **cheol** : nope

 **hannie** : 95 line forever

 **junnie** : 12/13,, we’re almost there

 **josh** : soz I’ll hurry

 **junnie** : no don’t exert yourself!

 **josh** : k how about a light jog

 **junnie** : yeah that’s alright

 **sockmin** : YEET

 **junnie** : no!

 **sockmin** : LIGHT JOG

 **josh** : lightly jogging my way through reception!  
**josh** : “sir please don’t run” um I wasnt

 **junnie** : wait a second

 **sockmin** : what

 **junnie** : my  
**junnie** : kitten senses are tingling  
**junnie** : Joshua,,,

 **junnie** : ZCZMCM CUTECUTECUTE  
**junnie** : AWWWW LITTLE PLUSH KITTIE AHHH

 **hosh** : ffs he outdid my balloons

 **josh** : c:<

 **junnie** : shes beautiful I love her :’(  
**junnie** : joshie :’( I wish I was born in 1995 so I could be a part of ur weird thing

 **hannie** : how is it weird

 **boo** : it’s a little weird

 **wonwon** : hey guys is there a trashcan in here anywhere i need to throw away a tissue

 **haohao** : yeah im sitting on him

 **junnie** : WAO

 **haohao** : I cant be mean to u you were in a coma yeah yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi note im british and costa coffee is like a popular coffee shop here and ik theyre supposed to be in korea or whatever but I noticed the syrup was 5p more expensive today and I was like ://. The thing chan said after is what my sister said when I texted her and then my step mum said “direct action”. none of this matters but fun fact


	7. hands off my juice

**hangel** : im so mad  
**hangel** : i cant find my leggings and I am NOT in a jeans mood

 **cheol** : do u wanna borrow some of my trackies

 **hangel** : im not steeping that low

 **cheol** : k

 **junnie** : omg same han  
**junnie** : if im not going out I never willingly confine my legs to that denim hell  
**junnie** : W8  
**junnie** : W8

 **hangel** : wha

 **junnie** : OMG  
**junnie** : the day I had the reaction I was wearing my fav ripped jeans!! WHA T HAPPENED TO THEM

 **haohao** : junnie its ok they gave me ur belongings

 **junnie** : o thank God  
**junnie** : if anything had happened to those jeans it would literally be the worst thing that ever happened to me

 **haohao** : :/

 **hangel** : :/

 **cheol** : :/

 **junnie** : o rite  
**junnie** : ok besides the whole dying thing  
**junnie** : also damn my glitter minion tattoo

 **haohao** : your what

 **junnie** : did I never show u  
**junnie** : at the fair this person was giving out glitter tattoos right and you cld get one in a minion shape all yellow and everything!  
**junnie** : I was omw to show you guys when I got distracted by ice cream  
**junnie** : I should’ve shown u first damn I guess the hospital people washed it off

 **josh** : yo  
**josh** : I actually remember that

 **junnie** : the tat??

 **josh** : yeah!!  
**josh** : I guess I was a lil distracted by the fact u were dying to notice but now that I think back I totally remember it!  
**josh** : it was like o shit is jun ok isthataminiontattoo holy shit is jun ok

 **junnie** : what did u think of it!!

 **josh** : It was sweet!

 **junnie** : I cant believe they washed it off that was $6  
**junnie** : do u think that fair will come back into town so I can get another

 **haohao** : hi we’re never going back to that fucking fair again even if they paid us

 **junnie** : oh right got it  
**junnie** : I’ll look up other places to get glitter minion tattoos

 **haohao** : ,,,  
**haohao** : do you really need one that badly

 **junnie** : umm yeah  
**junnie** : it’ll decorate my noodle arms

 **wonwon** : omg you don’t have noodle arms

 **junnie** : I need to get strong arms again so I can pick up haohao

 **haohao** : u know I don’t need to be picked up

 **junnie** : ya but I want to  
**junnie** : he goes ew put me down but pulls a c: face after its CUTE

 **junnie** : Mondays are so boring ya’ll are just doing stuff all day

 **woozi** : y’all*

 **junnie** : jihoons at work but he yeeted online to send that

 **junnie** : hnnnngngngngn I am BORED

 **i am gyut** : I’ll be there soon!!

 **junnie** : ok but what about NOW

 

**Private chat: Jun & Minghao**

**junnie** : send nudes

 **haohao** : you fcking fuck boy Wen Junhui I will actually call the police

 **junnie** : is that a no

 **haohao** : im in the library!!

 **junnie** : is that still a no

 **haohao** : ,,, gimme ten mins

 **junnie** : <3

 

**group chat: anti-goat squad**

**boo** : guys how do you politely tell your boyfriend that you love him but there is a limit to how many knitted socks a guy wants and needs in his life

 **hansolo** : put it on the gc I guess

 **chan** : knit me socks instead!

 **boo** : are you making moves on my man wth

 **chan** : a guy cant just want some socks

 **boo** : hmm  
**boo** : the other day Vernon had his arm around u as well

 **hansolo** : yeah u were busy snuggling soonyoung maybe ur cheating on me

 **boo** : soonyoung is a cuddle muffin, it means nothing

 **hosh** : 😊

 **junnie** : drama in the maknae line wow

 **chan** : pls hyung I just want warm feet this winter

 **woozi** : soonyoung come get lunch w me

 **hosh** : the lunch  
**hosh** : with the you

 **woozi** : yes with the me I know you’re nearby

 **hosh** : the me is at the bank

 **woozi** : why is the you at the bank

 **hosh** : the me is in a meeting

 **woozi** : why is the you texting during the meeting

 **hosh** : the me should stop

 **woozi** : the you should

 

 **Private chat** : **Soonyoung and Seokmin**

 **sockmin** : where are you actually

 **hosh** : nngngngng next street over from him but lately I spontaneously burst into tears when he smiles at me so ima wait to suppress my feelings into a smaller ball before facing him ya know

 **sockmin** : whatever floats the your boat

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**junnie** : I haven’t known companionship in twelve years,,, I live alone,,, sometimes I can still hear the voices of ones I once called friends  
**junnie** : wow seungkwan sounds really clear  
**junnie** : FFJKLDJAKDJKA MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND FINALLY

 **boo** : hiiii hyunggggg

 **junnie** : OMG U GOT ME ORANGE JUICE  
**junnie** : I am PUMPED

 **haohao** : junnie im on my way now too I finished my essay  
**haohao** : sorry for leaving you alone all day

 **junnie** : fhaklhka im ok you were here in the morning anyway  
**junnie** : but ily bby see you soon

 **hosh** : see you jun

 **junnie** : not u soon

 **hosh** : but Im on my way

 **junnie** : then I guess I will see you soon

 **haohao** : ily2 be there in a minute

 **junnie** : seungkwan hands off my JUICE

 **boo** : I bought it!

 **junnie** : its for ME  
**junnie** : glug glug yas get that vitamin c

 **junnie** : HAOHAO BABY HI  
**junnie** : do you want some juice??

 **boo** : :////

 **junnie** : quick q are you in actual fact my baby seungkwan

 **boo** : no 😔

 **junnie** : ok I changed my mind stop looking sad u can have some of ur juice

 **i am gyut** : can I have some juice

 **junnie** : I guess ur tall I worry you don’t get enough sustainance to maintain ur massive body

 **i am gyut** : cool!

 

**Private chat: Soonyoung & Jihoon**

**woozi** : hey soon how are you feeling

 **hosh** : what do u mean

 **woozi** : the other day you were key smashing I just remembered  
**woozi** : you do that when you’re trying to express feelings

 **hosh** : ahaha do i

 **woozi** : yeah whats up

 **hosh** : nothing my young padawan

 **woozi** : why were seok kwan and jun sending everyone cryptic emojis then

 **hosh** : o that  
**hosh** : we were just joking around haha

 **woozi** : oh ok

 **hosh** : heh heh yeah  
**hosh** : so yanan

 **woozi** : ?

 **hosh** : I used to think that was his first name so I asked jun what his surname was and he said yan  
**hosh** : I was like oh yan yanan what a cool name  
**hosh** : turns out his name is Yan An he just sort of mushed it together and goes around like that haha

 **woozi** : sure

 **hosh** : yeah hahaha  
**hosh** : imagine if chan introduced himself as leechan

 **woozi** : I guess that would be weird

 **hosh** : imagine if I was called soon young  
**hosh** : “hello mr soon” “pls call me young, mr soon was my father”

 **woozi** : lol

 **hosh** : hah yah

 

 **hosh** : so pretty huh

 **woozi** : its been half an hour??

 **hosh** : you think yanan is pretty

 **woozi** : uh yeah so

 **hosh** : cool :)

 **woozi** : why is it cool

 **hosh** : uh just cool for him  
**hosh** : nice to have good features

 **woozi** : ok

 **hosh** : hes tall huh

 **woozi** : yup

 **hosh** : do you like them tall

 **woozi** : not really

 **hosh** : oh ok

 **hosh** : you don’t consider me tall right

 **woozi** : uh you’re like average height

 **hosh** : cool, cool  
**hosh** : oh wow my uncle’s calling me g2g

 **woozi** : sure bye

 

**Group chat: we cant keep secrets jun was in a coma**

**hosh** : ok mission success

 **junnie** : were you cool  
**junnie** : did he suspect anything

 **hosh** : nothing at all B)  
**hosh** : info gathered: yes yanan is pretty, BUT he doesn’t like tall guys  
**hosh** : and considers me an average height!!!

 **boo** : win!!!

 **hosh** : so this has been fun but ive re-decided to bury my feelings deep down and never think about them again

 **sockmin** : soonie I know its hard realising out of the blue u might like ur friend but lets not regress

 **hosh** : too late ive regressed  
**hosh** : lee jihoon who ive never met him

 **sockmin** : kwan and jun you two are actually in relationships u step in

 **junnie** : so  
**junnie** : as you may know I am dating the most perfect baby in the world, xu minghao

 **boo** : what since when!

 **junnie** : ha ha ha  
**junnie** : so my haohao did this thing when he first liked me where he ignored me for three weeks and dived behind trash when he saw me

 **sockmin** : oh I remember that he pulled me with him

 **junnie** : it was so cute  
**junnie** : I was so happy when he finally admitted he liked me  
**junnie** : id been obsessed with him since I met him so idk why he was hiding it

 **boo** : exactly!  
**boo** : maybe jihoon is obsessed with u too

 **junnie** : omg back then haohao had this like noodle hair  
**junnie** : ugh he had the most terrifying gaze on the cutest face I was sold  
**junnie** : I was like yes murder me u adorable thing

 **sockmin** : ok junnie don’t get distracted

 **junnie** : akdkadkajh I would die for him

 **sockmin** : ok but the issue at hand  
**sockmin** : jun?

 

**Private chat: Jun and Minghao**

**junnie** : I WOULD DIE FOR U

 **haohao** : aite

 

**Group chat: we cant keep secrets jun was in a coma**

**sockmin** : I think hes gone  
**sockmin** : kwannie ur up

 **boo** : uhh Vernon rapped his confession to me  
**boo** : maybe try that

 **hosh** : maybe I CAN DANCE MY FEELINGS AWAY

 **sockmin** : no keep ur feelings!  
**sockmin** : feelings r good!  
**sockmin** : RIGHT KWAN

 **boo** : hansol is kind of a snack so I liked him pretty early on,,, and im a visual god so I never worried he didn’t like me too  
**boo** : hyung why are you actually so stressed about this

 **hosh** : weve been friends for so longggg  
**hosh** : I didn’t think this would HAPPEN  
**hosh** : yah im not dealing with this rn hoshi out

 **sockmin** : no!!

 **boo** : yeah g2g hansol wants me to come netflix and chill

 **sockmin** : o have fun lol

 **boo** : no hes a loser he actually wants to chill and watch netflix  
**boo** : hes really into stranger things rn

 **sockmin** : great  
**sockmin** : jun??

 **boo** : im still at the hospital hes making out with hao rn

 **sockmin** : at least somebody’s happy

 

**Private chat: Jihoon and Seokmin**

**woozi** : hey soonyoung's been acting really weird lately  
 **woozi** : hes been texting me odd stuff, also he didnt come to lunch with me because he was at a meeting but then said he was heading to the hospital but then said his uncle was calling him??

 **sockmin** : o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nggg ths is the fastest ive gotten to a 1000 hits before thank you v much


	8. hoohooheehee

**i am gyut** : JHKDHSJKh  
**i am gyut** : guys HES GONE  
**i am gyut** : WHERE IS HE

 **cheol** : mingyu whats wrong

 **i am gyut** : IMF REAKING OUT  
**i am gyut** : IS JUN OK

 **boo** : wait what

 **i am gyut** : HES  
**i am gyut** : NOT IN HIS ROOM  
**i am gyut** : ITS EMPTY  
**i am gyut** : ????

 **chan** : what!!

 **i am gyut** : IM HYPERVENTILATING

 **junnie** : hi guys heads up I got moved im on the fifth floor now  
**junnie** : oh gyu you’re here already

 **i am gyut** : i

 **junnie** : jeonghan get over here they just kind of put the flowers in the corner

 **hangel** : w h a t  
**hangel** : im omw  
**hangel** : ur new rooms gonna look straight out of a magazine

 **junnie** : also ive got a roommate now so ya’ll cant get too crazy!

 **junnie** : jihoon where are u

 **woozi** : I could tell you were just trying to rile me up

 **junnie** : come on do it

 **woozi** : y’all* :/

 **junnie** : :*

 **i am gyut** : who’s ur new roommate

 **junnie** : hes Chinese!! hes called Sicheng he twisted his hip dancing  
**junnie** : i want 2 b his friend but I cant say words to him  
**junnie** : also hes really cute

 **haohao** : :/

 **junnie** : waiT NO  
**junnie** : I actually DON’T HAVE EYES IVE ONLY EVER SEEN YOU

 **haohao** : I guess ur breaking up with me, huh

 **junnie** : SSSSSSSTOP

 **junnie** : hskjfahhasf omg u guys  
**junnie** : my heart rate accelerated so the machine started beeping and a nurse came to chexk on me  
**junnie** : I only love ONE MAN

 

**Private chat: Jun & Minghao**

**junnie** : 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️❤️ 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️ 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️ UR THE ONLY MAN FOR MEEEE️

 **junnie** : 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️ 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️

 **junnie** : 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️

 **haohao** : I was just joking stop spamming me  
**haohao** : ily2  
**haohao** : im gonna be late to the hospital today though

 **junnie** : IS IT BECAUSE YOU HATE ME

 **haohao** : n o  
**haohao** : junnie I will SEE YOU SOON

 **junnie** : 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️ 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️ 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 💖 ❤️ ️❤️

 **haohao** : I LOVE YOU TOO OK  
**haohao** : ❣️ ❣️ ❣️

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**i am gyut** : im at ur new room!  
**i am gyut** : OMG ITS WINWIN  
**i am gyut** : JAEHYUN KNOWS HIM  
**i am gyut** : u said his name was sicheng

 **junnie** : his name IS sicheng??  
**junnie** : u thought winwin was a real name wild

 **josh** : I just got off work I’ll see you in a sec boo

 **junnie** : wild wild  
**junnie** : where are your husbands

 **josh** : sh they’re secret

 **wonwon** : ive got to know  
**wonwon** : if you’re han’s secret second husband and seungcheol’s secret second husband, which one of them is the second for you and which is the first

 **hangel** : yeah

 **cheol** : do tell

 **josh** : wahay look at the time im missing my flight to LA

 **junnie** : you said you were coming to the hospital

 **josh** : im actually moving back for good see ya around kids

 **hangel** : I’ll end the discourse right now  
**hangel** : I knew joshie first so im the first husband and cheol’s the second

 **cheol** : ok but you met me after you met josh  
**cheol** : and if im your first husband, he could only be ur second husband AFTER we got together so we have equal chance of being his first one

 **hangel** : who said you’re my first husband

 **cheol** : wait who else-

 **sockmin** : sorry cheol,,,

 **cheol** : s-seokmin why

 **i am gyut** : Seungcheol its ok I’ll marry you

 **cheol** : I’ll just be your second too tho

 **wonwon** : ^ ya

 **sockmin** : aahgskJSH @soonyoung @jihoon its up to u guys now

 **chan** : why not me

 **sockmin** : is that even legal

 **chan** : I am an ADULT

 **hangel** : where

 **hosh** : a hoohoohoohoo I cannot get married ahaha that would mean I liked someone hoohooheehee

 **cheol** : ok wtf

 **hosh** : :)?

 **junnie** : josh never showed up did he actually catch a flight to LA  
**junnie** : nvm h e l l o t h e r e

 **josh** : h i h o w a r e y o u

 **junnie** : i a m o k

 

 **Private chat** : **Soonyoung & Seokmin**

 **sockmin** : o heads up  
**sockmin** : u might wanna stop acting like a weirdo jihoons onto you

 **hosh** : ssjsjsjaajjsjsakkaksjsjsjja

 **sockmin** : no its ok

 **hosh** : wwwwwwwwwooowowowwpwpwpwpwpwpwp

 **sockmin** : I think hes just worried about u

 **hosh** : o  
**hosh** : tttthhhhats a little cute  
**hosh** : HES  
**hosh** : ALSO CUTE  
**hosh** : what do I DOOOO

 **sockmin** : idk man maybe get somebody else’s advice

 

**Group chat: we cant keep secrets jun was in a coma**

**hosh** has added **haohao** to the group chat

 **junnie** : HI BABE  
**junnie** : also whats up soonyoung

 **haohao** : secret group chat interesting  
**haohao** : whats the goss fill me in

 **hosh** : so unfortunately I caught feelings and kwan and jun have been useless so im hoping to get some insight from you

 **haohao** : feelings for who  
**haohao** : oh jihoon

 **hosh** : wh  
**hosh** : how

 **haohao** : idk felt kind of obvious

 **junnie** : haohaos so smart did u know

 **hosh** : so the problem at hand is  
**hosh** : if you catch ugh feels for someone u were friends with before do you BURY DEEP DOWN or mabes think about em BUT WHAT IF HE DOEST FEEL THE SAME WAY and also WHAT IF ITS JUST A PASSING CRUSH ANYWAY  
**hosh** : you and jun were friends first right??

 **haohao** : oh yeah  
**haohao** : but I didn’t handle it v well when I startd liking him

 **hosh** : diving behind trash etc

 **haohao** : ya  
**haohao** : anyway it worked out  
**haohao** : and if you’re this stressed I don’t think it’s a passing fancy

 **hosh** : BUT HOW DID U MANAGE TO BECOME BFS

 **haohao** : once I started looking at the signs jun was kind of obviously into me lol

 **junnie** : 😘😘😘😘😘  
**junnie** : where r u I miss u :c

 **haohao** : I’ll text when im close ok  
**haohao** : actually g2g good luck soonyoung lol

 **hosh** : what are the SIGNS that jihoon likes someone  
**hosh** : god damn it  
**hosh** : im gonna have to do it

 **hosh** has added **hangel** to the group chat

 **hangel** : I KNEW YOU HAD A SECRET GROUP CHAT  
**hangel** : TELL ME EVERYTHING

 **hosh** : HYUNG PLS BE CHILL  
**hosh** : so I MAYBE have like a tiny thing for a uh person

 **hangel** : JIHOON

 **hosh** : gdi

 **hangel** : IM SO HAPPY  
**hangel** : this is good I cant have my children being unmarried at 30 how would it look to the neighbours  
**hangel** : once I pair you and jihoonie off I only have to worry about joshua seokmin and channie

 **junnie** : how do we know when jihoon likes someone tho

 **hangel** : o easy he had a crush on Seungcheol a while back

 **hosh** : a wh  
**hosh** : a what  
**hosh** : ffs cheol is a male god I cant compete

 **hangel** : I wont disagree wit u  
**hangel** : but listen here my precious daffodil I’ll do some digging and get you a man OK

 **hosh** : bbbbbut  
**hosh** : IDK IF EVEN WANT ONE

 **hangel** : haha tough luck

 

**Private chat: Jun & Minghao**

**haohao** : im almost there

 **junnie** : okie dokieee  
**junnie** : why were you late

 **haohao** : you’ll see in a sec

 **junnie** : OMGMGMGMGM  
**junnie** : FHSJKFJHA U  
**junnie** : U DYED UR HAIR

 **haohao** : do you like it

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**junnie** : WHEN and I mean WHEN will xu minghao slit my throat im being serious

 **woozi** : what

 **cheol** : u ok

 **junnie** : I just want him to PUNCH ME IN THE FACE  
**junnie** : ily,,,, 😭 😭  
**junnie** : you know I thought the black hair was PEAK HANDSOME but it turns out fluffy brown also ENDS MY LIFE

 **josh** : ok for those who cant see he dyed his hair  
**josh** : jun currently has his hands delved into it

 **junnie** : SSSOFT AND CUTE  
**junnie** : 🤧 🤧

 **junnie** : hm  
**junnie** : hmm yeah  
**junnie** : mhm mhm

 **woozi** : what now

 **junnie** : well  
**junnie** : ive done the calculations  
**junnie** : and after lots of careful consideration  
**junnie** : I have come to the conclusion that minghao is in fact a baby  
**junnie** : thank you for coming to my ted talk

 **chan** : *applause*

 **haohao** : :/

 **junnie** : well do you have any evidence to support otherwise??

 **haohao** : yeah do you want my birth certificate

 **junnie** : hmm  
**junnie** : age considered, the facts are facts  
**junnie** : and- oh wow this just in  
**junnie** : you are also, MY baby :0

 **haohao** : wow irl intellectual wen junhui over here

 **junnie** : lemme touch  
**junnie** : SOFT  
**junnie** : CUTE

 **wonwon** : damn I haven’t seen jun this happy since that stray cat purred at him  
**wonwon** : minghao’s power

 **wonwon** : WOW MINGHAOS POWER

 **i am gyut** : YA’LL YA’LL

 **woozi** : y’all* but whats up

 **josh** : OH DAMN  
**josh** : I CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS MISSED THIS

 **haohao** : of course the first thing jun says out loud after weeks of not being able to talk is “cute baby”

 **junnie** : FACTS ARE FACTS  
**junnie** : AND I GUESS I HAVE VOCAL CHORDS AGAIN????  
**junnie** : wait you know what this means  
**junnie** : I can make friends with winwin!!  
**junnie** : ow haohao

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my word document properly roasted me "there are too many spelling errors for us to keep displaying them" damn now i wont get the red squiggly line under the words i purposefully misspelled


	9. an egg with noodle arms

**junnie** : wow my voice really sounds like someone turned my throat inside out and dragged it over sandpaper  
**junnie** : for your own safety I will continue my silence thank u and goodnight  
**junnie** : oh except for telling haohao that I love him  
**junnie** : if I whisper my voice sounds semi-normal

 **hangel** : my baby,, all grown up, talking

 **junnie** : lol I do kind of feel like a toddler  
**junnie** : though I feel even toddler’s motor skills are more advanced than mine

 **soonie** : IT’LL ALL BE FINE SOON  
**soonie** : EVEN IF I HAVE TO MAKE U ROBOT LEGS MYSELF

 **junnie** : how long will those take to make do you think

 **soonie** : uh lemme go through robot engineering school first

 **junnie** : I’ll be waiting I guess  
**junnie** : I don’t have anything else to be doing

 **chan** : god I am SO stressed  
**chan** : I have a test on Friday and I was like oh that’s ages away but now its THURSDAY and Friday is TOMORROW  
**chan** : its an actual scam how Wednesday and Friday seem so far apart but then wow its tomorrow

 **hansolo** : word

 **sockmin** : one time I had an essay due on the 2nd of march  
**sockmin** : and so on the 28th I was like wow I have ages  
**sockmin** : but February only has 28 days and I realised I had fucked up

 **wonwon** : I keep everything on an actual calendar

 **mingoo** : ok nerd

 **boo** : I just want you to know how boring you all sound right now  
**boo** : could you maybe talk about something interesting for jun’s sake

 **junnie** : I have other things to do than read the gc

 **boo** : like

 **junnie** : oh

 **hangel** : ok heres something interesting  
**hangel** : so im washing my white laundry right, all my nice dress shirts and everything  
**hangel** : and as im putting it in I think hmm maybe I should just check everything through and I find a RED SOCK that could have ruined everything

 **josh** : ok riveting

 **hangel** : no but I usually don’t check!! but today I did when I most needed to

 **soonie** : umm I ate a kiwi today

 **haohao** : absolutely fucking wild soonyoung

 **soonie** : no but like EARLIER TODAY I was like I gotta eat this kiwi or it’ll be over ripe tomorrow  
**soonie** : then later I made dinner and then wanted a snack after but I didn’t have anything in until I remembered the kiwi!! perfect

 **chan** : guys ffffucking hell

 **woozi** : is something interesting finally happening

 **chan** : u cld say so  
**chan** : im sitting in the kitchen rn bc my flatmate yeri is using my room to potentially break up with her gf??

 **soonie** : omg

 **chan** : she came into my room like crying an hour ago  
**chan** : bc like her gf said something that really bothered her?? and apparently that just opened the floodgates to all her problems??  
**chan** : so shes sits in my room sobbing and im like handing her tissues and nodding  
**chan** : and finally she decides she should her and like talk it out  
**chan** : but she fucking hates the girl who lives in the room next to her and doesn’t want her to overhear anything so I was like uh u can use my room  
**chan** : and now im in the kitchen

 **chan** : im just playing sudoku

 **hangel** : channie ur so cute :’)) look at u being a cute friend

 **chan** : this is the third time shes knocked on my door crying too??

 **wonwon** : is she ok

 **chan** : im not sure  
**chan** : also my other flatmate is in here teaching his friend biology in chinese over skype

 **soonie** : ok chans wilding  
**soonie** : interesting jun??

 **soonie** : jun??  
**soonie** : where’d he go is anyone over there rn

 **hangel** : no we all have stuff he said a university friend was there though

 **cheol** : he’ll reappear in a second

 

**private chat: junnie and haohao**

**haohao** : junnie what are you up to  
**haohao** : I’ll be over in a couple of hours once ive finished my shift  
**haohao** : is everything actually ok

 

**private chat: junnie and mingoo**

**mingoo** : junnnnnn-hyung im in the mood to cook something what do you want

 **mingoo** : wow you usually bite my hand off lol

 **mingoo** : are you there

 

 **josh** : jun-ah did you eat lunch yet

 **josh** : no?

 

**group chat: anti-goat squad**

**wonwon** : did jun reply to anyone

 **haohao** : not me

 **josh** : that’s weird hes usually on his phone

 **soonie** : hasn’t it been a couple of hours now

 **boo** : do you think everythings ok

 **cheol** : the hospital would have called if something wasnt

 **junnie** : oh soz I was busy

 **haohao** : doing what??

 **junnie** : yeah ik I cant do anything so its #shocking when im not on my phone #wild

 **haohao** : ok stop I didn’t mean it like that  
**haohao** : but where were you

 **junnie** : physiotherapy

 **haohao** : you started physiotherapy??  
**haohao** : why didn’t you tell me

 **junnie** : I guess I forgot  
**junnie** : did the doctor not tell you

 **haohao** : no  
**haohao** : I would’ve wanted to be there

 **junnie** : im fine

 **haohao** : was it ok

 **haohao** : junnie?

 

**private chat: cheol and junnie**

**cheol** : is everything ok

 

**private chat: wonwon and junnie**

**wonwon** : did something happen

 

**private chat: haohao and junnie**

**haohao** : jun are you there

 **haohao** : why aren’t you answering your phone

 

**group chat: anti-goat squad**

**junnie** : guys its fine I got caught up again the nurse came in

 **cheol** : oh right

 **junnie** : anyway ignore me what are you guys doing  
**junnie** : I feel like everyones been way too focused on me whats new with you guys  
**junnie** : besides kiwi and red socks

 **sockmin** : uhh but your thing was kind of a big deal

 **junnie** : yeah but it’s a bit old now the whole juns sick in hospital

 **josh** : actually im gonna keep caring until you get discharged

 **mingoo** : ^

 **junnie** : no im fine seriously

 **haohao** : you’re not fine though you’re still sick

 **junnie** : actually I am aware thanks

 

**private chat: junnie & wonwon**

**wonwon** : are you sure everything’s ok you seem a bit off

 **junnie** : its all cool and dandy

 **wonwon** : really??

 **junnie** : yeah just living my egg life I guess

 **wonwon** : you’re not an egg we’ve been over this

 **junnie** : anyway whats new with you

 **wonwon** : junnie??  
**wonwon** : has the attention been a bit too much lately, we can turn it down  
**wonwon** : we’re just worried

 **junnie** : ik  
**junnie** : no one needs to be though I don’t want to take up anyone’s time

 **wonwon** : are you sure you’re ok  
**wonwon** : why didn’t you even tell minghao you had physiotherapy

 **junnie** : it just didn’t come up

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**sockmin** : ok soonyoung and I are heading over there soon

 **hangel** : oh me too see you all soon

 **junnie** : you guys don’t have to feel like you need to come over you know its fine if you want to stay home its not like theres anything to do here

 **josh** : ?? we’re going to see you though

 **junnie** : im not v interesting though

 

**Private chat: hangel & junnie**

**hangel** : do you not want us to come?

 **junnie** : its not that I just don’t want you to come if you don’t want to

 **hangel** : why wouldn’t we want to

 **junnie** : idk its kind of boring here

 **hangel** : none of us mind though  
**hangel** : stop being silly

 **hangel** : ok?

 

Private chat: **hangel** & **wonwon**

 **hangel** : has jun been messaging you at all

 **wonwon** : kind of odd stuff???

 

Private chat: **hangel** & **haohao**

 **hangel** : have you noticed jun being weird

 **haohao** : im kind of worried about the gc stuff  
**haohao** : has he said anything to you?

 **hangel** : yeah and to wonwoo  
**hangel** : stuff like he understands if we don’t want to go see him

 **haohao** : ok let me handle it

 

Private chat: **junnie** & **haohao**

 **haohao** : so whats going on

 **junnie** : what do you mean

 **haohao** : I mean why are you acting like none of us should care about you?  
**haohao** : why didn’t you want me at physiotherapy, why don’t you want anyone at the hospital at all

 **junnie** : its not that

 **haohao** : then why are you trying to stop us all from coming

 **haohao** : jun??  
**haohao** : junnie please im worried  
**haohao** : im sorry if im being aggressive please tell me whats going on

 **junnie** : my hairs a mess

 **haohao** : ok

 **junnie** : and everythings a mess

 **junnie** : I just cant stand being this pathetic  
**junnie** : I didn’t want anyone to come to physiotherapy because I look so stupid I cant do anything and im being a bad friend because im making everyone worry and they all have to take time out of their days to see me and sit in this boring fucking hospital and its not like I can even talk to anyone properly anyway??   
**junnie** : not to mention I look like a hag and I don’t know how you can even bear to look at me like this or even bother with me at all because I cant be a boyfriend anyway I literally can’t do anything not even do boyfriend stuff and im not even hot anymore because I lost my abs and my arms  
**junnie** : I have noodle arms and the motor capacity of an egg

 **junnie** : god DAMN IT im an EGG with NOODLE ARMS

 **haohao** : you are not an egg with noodle arms!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **junnie** : YES I AM  
**junnie** : except eggs with noodles contribute to society by being a DELICIOUS AND NUTRIOUS SNACK  
**junnie** : im not even a snack anymore I used to be HANDSOME

 **haohao** : jun??  
**haohao** : how long have you felt like this  
**haohao** : you know you’re still handsome who called you a hag of course I want to look at you I love you  
**haohao** : and you’re not useless or any of that bullshit  
**haohao** : junnie please

 **haohao** : jun  
**haohao** : are you ignoring these texts  
**haohao** : wen  
**haohao** : jun  
**haohao** : hui  
**haohao** : do NOT IGNORE ME

 **haohao** : junnie?????

 **haohao** : ok im coming over

 **junnie** : no you don’t have to

 **haohao** : I knew you were still there  
**haohao** : I already left too late

 **junnie** : no please its seriously fine

 **haohao** : jun im coming over there

 **junnie** : are you going to hit me

 **haohao** : no ffs   
**haohao** : im going to love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its been a month have some drama i guess  
> idk really about this chapter but it exists


	10. cogs are turning

**junnie** : wow  
**junnie** : and yikes  
**junnie** : so I was in a bit of a Mood last week im rereading my messages I sound like an angsty 13 year old

 **wonwon** : no you didn’t!!

 **junnie** : thank u for your kind words but im legally obliged to grow an emo fringe and get blue highlights

 **hansolo** : no dip dyed red with purple streaks dipshit

 **junnie** : god you’re right  
**junnie** : if my name isn’t jun dark’ness dementia raven way

 **mingoo** : ok but I don’t think you were being dramatic at all??

 **josh** : honestly!!  
**josh** : you’ve really been through it jun we understand

 **hannie** : yeah we’re glad you let everything out

 **junnie** : anyway apparently talking about your feelings is “better” than bottling it up so get ready for 400% more Complaining  
**junnie** : first of all  
**junnie** : these beds aren’t comfortable I want new mattress jeonghan I’ll trust that to you

 **hannie** : k on it

 **junnie** : I don’t like the few bits of hospital food I can get down my throat mingyu pls get a job and fire everyone else so you’re the only hospital chef

 **mingoo** : cool

 **boo** : does he have to cook for the rest of the hospital too

 **junnie** : no they can starve

 **boo** : k

 **junnie** : im also thinking the white halls are a bit :/ so who wants to repaint??

 **sockmin** : yes!!

 **junnie** : haohao you like painting right

 **haohao** : like painting on easels not,,, repainting entire hospitals

 **junnie** : kk you’re exempt your job is to listen to all my problems anyway  
**junnie** : o I actually have a real problem I sat on my hand earlier and now I have pins and needles owch

 **haohao** : perish

 **junnie** : someone pls say it for me I cba

 **chan** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **cheol** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **sockmin** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **hansolo** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **mingoo** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **soonie** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **junnie** : thank u minions

 **josh** : you cant be mean to him he was in a coma

 **junnie** : everyone who didn’t type it is a fake friend  
**junnie** : oh jisoo is just slow  
**junnie** : you ok old man

 **josh** : nvm perish

 **soonie** : JUNNIE WHATS SOMETHING I CAN HELP WITH  
**soonie** : IM HERE FOR YOU I LOVE YOU  
**soonie** : IM READY TO BE A PILLAR OF SUPPORT

 **junnie** : o you could start being honest about your feelings

 **soonie** : na nvm

 **woozi** : lol what are you guys talking about

 **soonie** : hhhahaha u know how it is

 **woozi** : no why

 **soonie** : just stuff u know  
**soonie** : feelings hoo boy wild honesty too damn

 **hannie** : hmm.. I think im ready to dive in

 **cheol** : I actually have no idea what anyone’s talking about but my fight or flight response has been initiated

 **hansolo** : at least the air is cleared now I hate drama I was stress knitting

 **junnie** : anything  
**junnie** : for me

 **hansolo** : you know it

 **junnie** : im glad everyones cool and breezy too  
**junnie** : boyf wasn’t even mad at me  
**junnie** : oh that reminds me of the worst fight haohao and I ever had

 **boo** : ok spill the tea  
**boo** : I like that everyones getting along but whats life without drama tbh

 **junnie** : it was actually also the shortest fight tho

 **wonwon** : why was that

 **junnie** : I burst into tears and he pitied me I guess

 **sockmin** : wwwwait what did he do this is real tea shit

 **junnie** : ok get ready

 **chan** : ☕️

 **josh** : 🍿

 **junnie** : I said “stop that”  
**junnie** : and he said  
**junnie** : “fine, junhui”

 **junnie** : ugh that hurt type that was a memory I repressed

 **mingoo** : that made you burst into tears

 **junnie** : minghao has like literally NEVER in our relationship ever called me junhui like only jun junnie babe  
**junnie** : your highness etc  
**junnie** : but never junhui  
**junnie** : it felt so cold :( so I started crying and we made up

 **haohao** : sorry about that junhui

 **junnie** : STOP  
**junnie** : I WILL-

 **haohao** : sorry about that your highness

 **junnie** : omg babe that’s so cute I was lying when I said you called me that ilysm 💕💕

 **sockmin** changed **junnie** ’s nickname to **his highness jun**

 **his highness jun** : son thank u  
**his highness jun** : ur the real king omg

 **soonie** : wait seokmin as like king Arthur dressed in medieval armour yes

 **boo** : wait I might choke

 **soonie** : no seokmin don’t I might actually have to have sex with you if you do that and I value our friendship so reconsider

 **sockmin** : I breathed??

 

**Private chat: hannie & woozi**

**hannie** : so Jihoon

 **woozi** : why do I already dislike where this is going

 **hannie** : whats up

 **woozi** : we saw each other this morning you know whats up

 **hannie** : nothing else up now?

 **woozi** : just tell me what you want

 **hannie** : well seeing as you asked  
**hannie** : anyone special in your life right now

 **woozi** : oh my god

 **hannie** : no boyfriends etc

 **woozi** : no

 **hannie** : not in the market for one either?

 **woozi** : n o

 **hannie** : why not

 **woozi** : i  
**woozi** : why does it matter  
**woozi** : are you hitting on me or something

 **hannie** : shhhh this isn’t about me  
**hannie** : so really not in the mood for a boyf huh  
**hannie** : boyfriends are pretty great

 **woozi** : yeah ive had one

 **hannie** : don’t want another one?

 **woozi** : idk??

 **hannie** : to find one you don’t really have to look far

 **woozi** : what

 **hannie** : just look around you  
**hannie** : a cute eligible boy might be right in front of you

 **hannie** : take soonyoung for example

 **woozi** : oh my god  
**woozi** : jeonghan no

 **hannie** : I just said for example omg cool your jets  
**hannie** : but take soonyoung  
**hannie** : cute, smart, driven, you get along with him  
**hannie** : you never looked at him that way though?

 **woozi** : I guess not??

 **hannie** : why don’t you try

 **woozi** : what

 **hannie** : try looking at him like that  
**hannie** : imagine being married and adopting a dog how does it make you feel

 **woozi** : I thought you were just using him as an example

 **hannie** : yes exactly for example imagine being boyfriends with soonyoung do you like it or not

 **woozi** : you’re trying to set me up with him  
**woozi** : he doesn’t even like me  
**woozi** : hes been super avoiding me lately and literally just said he wanted to have sex with seokmin??

 **hannie** : two conclusions jumped to  
**hannie** : 1, im setting you up with hoshi, 2, he doesn’t even like you

 **woozi** : stop speaking in riddles are you trying to imply he likes me and I should date him

 **hannie** : would you

 **woozi** : idk????????

 **hannie** : im just saying just try thinking of him that way whats it like

 **hannie** : jihoon

 **hannie** : woozy

 **hannie** : I know where you live

 

**Chat: we cant keep secrets jun was in a coma**

**hannie** : I think the cogs are turning...

 **soonie** : oh n o what did you do

 

**Private chat: soonie and woozi**

**woozi** : hey soonyoung

 **soonie** : why hello old pal old buddy old friend  
**soonie** : what brings you to my dms this fine day :)?

 **woozi** : jeonghan just messaged me

 **soonie** : wow really  
**soonie** : holy shit g2g talk later?????

 **woozi** : k

 

**Private chat: hannie and woozi**

**woozi** : *screenshots*  
**woozi** : :/

 **hannie** : hm.

 **woozi** : ??

 **hannie** : he just needs some help dw  
**hannie** : so about YOUR feelings :) <3

 **woozi** : IDK I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT

 **hannie** : haha start then

 **woozi** : but we’re friends

 **hannie** : I was friends with Seungcheol once  
**hannie** : kwan and vernon were friends jun and hao were friends whats your point

 

**Private chat: cheol and woozi**

**woozi** : cheol hannie is stressing me out

 **cheol** : o damn need me to do anything

 **woozi** : he keeps talking about soonyoung

 **cheol** : wait did he figure out you used to like him

 **woozi** : I think he thinks he likes me??  
**woozi** : but idk if I want to handle that right now  
**woozi** : you never told han right

 **cheol** : ofc not  
**cheol** : but wait if hoshi likes you isn’t that a good thing or are you super over him

 **woozi** : can you stop you’re stressing me out too now  
**woozi** : I shouldnt be having drama anyway while juns sick

 **cheol** : idk he loves drama

 **woozi** : hmm

 

**Group chat created: shhh**

**his highness jun** : FHKFHAJKSHFKJhfkhjkf  
**his highness jun** : HOOOOOO BOY  
**his highness jun** : who else is here?????

 **woozi** : just you me and cheol

 **his highness jun** : ooooooooh boy whats happening whats good oh man oh man

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**haohao** : who’s DM-ing jun hes giggling like a weirdo

 

**Group chat: shhh**

**his highness jun** : CAN I ADD HAOHAO

 **woozi** : ugh fine

 **his highness jun** added **haohao** to the chat

 **his highness jun** : BAOBEI

 **haohao** : omg no another secret group chat whats happening

 **cheol** : another one?

 **haohao** : ...no

 **his highness jun** : we can spill that tea later if necessary  
**his highness jun** : im ready u guys hit me whats up

 **woozi** : ://

 

**Group chat: anti-goat squad**

**wonwon** : why is this gc so quiet but everyones on their phones

 **hansolo** : huh u right

 **chan** : yeah whats happening

 **josh** : u guys if you have secret gcs and aren’t including us im gonna get so mad

 **mingoo** : omg yeah

 

**Group chat: shhh**

**his highness jun** : w a i t  
**his highness jun** : so you actually used to like hosh

 **woozi** : idk

 **his highness jun** : o wild  
**his highness jun** : o wilddd

 **woozi** : anyway do you guys know how he feels because han is being super cryptic and soonyoung is being weird af

 **haohao** : hm

 

**Private chat: his highness jun and haohao**

**haohao:** do we tell him or not

 **his highness jun** : IDK

 **haohao** : do we tell soonyoung???

 **his highness jun** : IDKKK  
**his highness jun** : its not really any of our business but we know hosh isn’t going to do anything otherwise and neither will jihoon so WHAT DO WE DO a

 **haohao** : hannie would know what to do but its invasive to just tell him jihoons secret YIKES

 **his highness jun** : ok junhao matchmaking service team GO

 **haohao** : what no

 **his highness jun** : ok what do you suggest  
**his highness jun** : we’re the ony ones in both group chats

 **haohao** : ffs  
**haohao** : can’t we just tell them both everything

 **his highness jun** : ummm no bc its soonyoungs business not ours and if we just hit them with the truth you know they’d both flip out and nothing would happen  
**his highness jun** : we need to be more,,, s u b t l e

 **haohao** : this is so yikes what the hell  
**haohao** : why are you even so invested

 **his highness jun** : I am so  
**his highness jun** : BORED

 **haohao** : fine im in

 **his highness jun** : <3333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm for all comments and kudos 😭


End file.
